Gude nicht!"

The foreman and his crew of bridgemen were striving hard to make an
impression on the select board provided by Mrs. Rooney at her Arkansas
eating establishment.

"The old man sure made a funny deal down at Piney yesterday," observed
the foreman, with a wink at the man to his right.

"What'd he do?" asked the new man at the other end of the table.

"Well, a year or so ago there used to be a water tank there, but they
took down the tub and brought it up to Cabin Creek. The well went dry
and they covered it over. It was four or five feet round, ninety feet
deep, and plumb in the right of way. Didn't know what to do with it
until along comes an old lollypop yesterday and gives the Old Man five
dollars for it."

"Five dollars for what?" asked the new man.

"Well," continued the foreman, ignoring the interruption, "that old
lollypop borrowed two jacks from the trackmen and jacked her up out of
there and carried her home on wheels.'

"What'd he do with it?" persisted the new man.

"Say that old lollypop must've been a Yank. Nobody else could have
figured it out. The ground on his place is hard and he needed some more
fence. So he calc'lated 'twould be easier and cheaper to saw that old
well up into post-holes than 'twould be to dig 'em."

A certain workman, notorious for his sponging proclivities, met a friend
one morning, and opened the conversation by saying:

"Can ye len' us a match, John?"

John having supplied him with the match, the first speaker began to feel
his pockets ostentatiously, and then remarked dolefully, "Man, I seem to
have left my tobacco pouch at hame."

John, however, was equal to the occasion, and holding out his hand,
remarked:

"Aweel, ye'll no be needin' that match then."

A Highlander was summoned to the bedside of his dying father. When he
arrived the old man was fast nearing his end. For a while he remained
unconscious of his son's presence. Then at last the old man's eyes
opened, and he began to murmur. The son bent eagerly to listen.

"Dugald," whispered the parent, "Luckie Simpson owes me five shilling."

"Ay, man, ay," said the son eagerly.

"An" Dugal More owes me seven shillins."

"Ay," assented the son.

"An' Hamish McCraw owes me ten shillins."

"Sensible tae the last," muttered the delighted heir. "Sensible tae the
last."

Once more the voice from the bed took up the tale.

"An', Dugald, I owe Calum Beg two pounds."

Dugald shook his head s