l hundreds of miles from the top of the map.
Hence the following conversation in Brownsville recently between two of
the old-time residents:

"Where have you been lately, Bob? I ain't seen much of you."

"Been on a trip north."

"Where'd you go?"

"Went to Dallas."

"Have a good time?"

"Naw; I never did like them damn Yankees, anyway."

TEXTS

In the Tennessee mountains a mountaineer preacher, who had declared
colleges "the works of the devil," was preaching without previous
meditation an inspirational sermon from the text, "The voice of the
turtle shall be heard in the land." Not noting that the margin read
"turtle-dove," he proceeded in this manner:

"This text, my hearers, strikes me as one of the most peculiar texts in
the whole book, because we all know that a turtle ain't got no voice.
But by the inward enlightenment I begin to see the meaning and will
expose it to you. Down in the hollers by the streams and ponds you have
gone in the springtime, my brethren, and observed the little turtles,
a-sleeping on the logs. But at the sound of the approach of a human
being, they went _kerflop-kerplunk_, down into the water. This I say,
then, is the meaning of the prophet: he, speakinging figgeratively,
referred to the _kerflop_ of the turtle as the _voice_ of the turtle,
and hence we see that in those early times the prophet, looking down at
the ages to come, clearly taught and prophesied the doctrine I have
always preached to this congregation--_that immersion is the only form
of baptism."_

John D. Rockefeller, Jr., once asked a clergyman to give him an
appropriate Bible verse on which to base an address which he was to make
at the latter's church.

"I was thinking," said young Rockefeller, "that I would take the verse
from the Twenty-third Psalm: 'The Lord is my shepherd.' Would that seem
appropriate?"

"Quite," said the clergyman; "but do you really want an appropriate
verse?"

"I certainly do," was the reply.

"Well, then," said the clergyman, with a twinkle in his eye, "I would
select the verse in the same Psalm: 'Thou anointest my head with oil; my
cup runneth over.'"

THEATER

"Say, old man," chattered the press-agent, who had cornered a producer
of motion-picture plays, "I've got a grand idea for a film-drama. Listen
to the impromptu scenario: Scene one, exterior of a Broadway theater,
with the ticket-speculators getting the coin in handfuls, and--"

"You're out!" interr