perfection."

"I'm afraid not. A young and pretty woman is needed for that part," said
the smiling hostess.

"But, madam, you have positively proved the contrary."

TAFT, WILLIAM HOWARD

When Mr. Taft was on his campaigning tour in the west, before he had
been elected President, he stopped at the home of an old friend. It was
a small house, not well built, and as he walked about in his room the
unsubstantial little house fairly shook with his tread. When he got into
bed that receptacle, unused to so much weight, gave way, precipitating
Taft on the floor.

His friend hurried to his door.

"What's the matter, Bill?"

"Oh, I'm all right, I guess," Taft called out to his friend
good-naturedly; "but say, Joe, if you don't find me here in the morning
look in the cellar."

One morning a few summers ago President Taft, wearing the largest
bathing suit known to modern times, threw his substantial form into the
cooling waves of Beverly Bay. Shortly afterward one neighbor said to
another: "Let's go bathing."

"How can we?" was the response. "The President is using the ocean."

TALENT

_See_ Actors and actresses.

TALKERS

Some years ago, Mark Twain was a guest of honor at an opera box-party
given by a prominent member of New York society. The hostess had been
particularly talkative all during the performance--to Mr. Clemens's
increasing irritation.

Toward the end of the opera, she turned to him and said gushingly:

"Oh, my dear Mr. Clemens, I do so want you to be with us next Friday
evening. I'm certain you will like it the opera will be 'Tosca.'"

"Charmed, I'm sure," replied Clemens. "I've never heard you in that."

It was a beautiful evening and Ole, who had screwed up courage to take
Mary for a ride, was carried away by the magic of the night.

"Mary," he asked, "will you marry me?"

"Yes, Ole," she answered softly.

Ole lapsed into a silence that at last became painful to his fiancee.

"Ole," she said desperately, "why don't you say something?"

"Ay tank," Ole replied, "they bane too much said already."

"Sir," said the sleek-looking agent, approaching the desk of the meek,
meaching-looking man and opening one of those folding thingumjigs
showing styles of binding, "I believe I can interest you in this massive
set of books containing the speeches of the world's greatest orators.
Seventy volumes, one dollar down and one dollar a month until the price,
six hundred an