he hath done what she could.

An old maid on the wintry side of fifty, hearing of the marriage of a
pretty young lady, her friend, observed with a deep and sentimental
sigh: "Well, I suppose it is what we must all come to."

A famous spinster, known throughout the country for her charities, was
entertaining a number of little girls from a charitable institution.
After the luncheon, the children were shown through the place, in order
that they might enjoy the many beautiful things it contained.

"This," said the spinster, indicating a statue, "is Minerva."

"Was Minerva married?" asked one of the little girls.

"No, my child," said the spinster, with a smile; "Minerva was the
Goddess of Wisdom."--_E.T_.

There once was a lonesome, lorn spinster,
And luck had for years been ag'inst her;
When a man came to burgle
She shrieked, with a gurgle,
"Stop thief, while I call in a min'ster!"

SPITE

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something
more aggraviting than if you spoke right out at once.

A man had for years employed a steady German workman. One day Jake came
to him and asked to be excused from work the next day.

"Certainly, Jake," beamed the employer. "What are you going to do?"

"Vall," said Jake slowly. "I tink I must go by mein wife's funeral. She
dies yesterday."

After the lapse of a few weeks Jake again approached his boss for a day
off.

"All right, Jake, but what are you going to do this time?"

"Aber," said Jake, "I go to make me, mit mein fraeulein, a wedding."

"What? So soon? Why, it's only been three weeks since you buried your
wife."

"Ach!" replied Jake, "I don't hold spite long."

SPRING

In the spring the housemaid's fancy
Lightly turns from pot and pan
To the greater necromancy
Of a young unmarried man.
You can hold her through the winter,
And she'll work around and sing,
But it's just as good as certain
She will marry in the spring.

It is easy enough to look pleasant,
When the spring comes along with a rush;
But the fellow worth-while
Is the one who can smile
When he slips and sits down in the slush.

--_Leslie Van Every_.

STAMMERING

One of the ushers approached a man who appeared to be annoying those
about him.

"Don't you like the show?"

"Yes, indeed!"

"Then why do you persist in hissing the performers?"

"Why, m-man alive, I w-was-n't h-his