souls from hell?"

"Yes, sir; that is my business."

"Well, why don't you go there then?" asked Mr. Phillips.

SOLEMN SENIOR--"So your efforts to get on the team were fruitless, were
they?"

FOOLISH FRESHMAN--"Oh, no! Not at all. They gave me a lemon."--_Harvard
Lampoon_.

A benevolent person watched a workman laboriously windlassing rock from
a shaft while the broiling sun was beating down on his bare head.

"My dear man," observed the onlooker, "are you not afraid that your
brain will be affected in the hot sun?"

The laborer contemplated him for a moment and then replied:

"Do you think a man with any brains would be working at this kind of a
job?"

Winston Churchill, the young English statesman, recently began to raise
a mustache, and while it was still in the budding stage he was asked at
a dinner party to take in to dinner an English girl who had decided
opposing political views.

"I am sorry," said Mr. Churchill, "we cannot agree on politics."

"No, we can't," rejoined the girl, "for to be frank with you I like your
politics about as little as I do your mustache."

"Well," replied Mr. Churchill, "remember that you are not likely to come
into contact with either."

Strickland Gillilan, the lecturer and the man who pole-vaulted into fame
by his "Off Ag'in, On Ag'in, Finnigin" verses, was about to deliver a
lecture in a small Missouri town. He asked the chairman of the committee
whether he might have a small pitcher of ice-water on the platform
table.

"To drink?" queried the committeeman.

"No," answered Gillilan. "I do a high-diving act."

TRAVELER--"Say, boy, your corn looks kind of yellow."

BOY--"Yes, sir. That's the kind we planted."

TRAVELER--"Looks as though you will only have half a crop."

BOY--"Don't expect any more. The landlord gets the other half."

TRAVELER (after a moment's thought)--"Say, there is not much difference
between you and a fool."

BOY--"No, sir. Only the fence."

President Lincoln was busily engaged in his office when an attendant, a
young man of sixteen, unceremoniously entered and gave him a card.
Without rising, the President glanced at the card. "Pshaw. She here
again? I told her last week that I could not interfere in her case. I
cannot see her," he said impatiently. "Get rid of her any way you can.
Tell her I am asleep, or anything you like."

Quickly returning to the lady in an adjacent room, this exceedingly
bright boy said to her, "The