so consoled me that the
pain soon passed away. Why don't you try the same?"

SUFFERER--"I think I will. Is your wife at home now?"

For every ill beneath the sun
There is some remedy or none;
If there be one, resolve to find it;
If not, submit, and never mind it.

REMINDERS

The wife of an overworked promoter said at breakfast:

"Will you post this letter for me, dear? It's to the furrier,
countermanding my order for that $900 sable and ermine stole. You'll be
sure to remember?"

The tired eyes of the harassed, shabby promoter lit up with joy. He
seized a skipping rope that lay with a heap of dolls and toys in a
corner, and going to his wife, he said:

"Here, tie my right hand to my left foot so I won't forget!"

REPARTEE

Repartee is saying on the instant what you didn't say until the next
morning.

Among the members of a working gang on a certain railroad was an
Irishman who claimed to be very good at figures. The boss, thinking that
he would get ahead of Pat, said: "Say, Pat, how many shirts can you get
out of a yard?"

"That depends," answered Pat, "on whose yard you get into."

A middle-aged farmer accosted a serious-faced youth outside the Grand
Central Station in New York the other day.

"Young man," he said, plucking his sleeve, "I wanter go to Central
Park."

The youth seemed lost in consideration for a moment.

"Well," he said finally, "you may just this once. But I don't want you
ever, _ever_ to ask me again."

SEEDY VISITOR--"Do you have many wrecks about here, boatman?"

BOATMAN--"Not very many, sir. You're the first I've seen this season."

HER DAD--"No, sir; I won't have my daughter tied for life to a stupid
fool."

HER SUITOR--"Then don't you think you'd better let me take her off your
hands?"

Wendell Phillips was traveling through Ohio once when he fell in with a
car full of ministers returning from a convention. One of the ministers,
a southerner from Kentucky, was naturally not very cordial to the
opinions of the great abolitionist and set out to embarrass Mr.
Phillips. So, before the group of ministers, he said:

"You are Wendell Phillips, are you not?"

"Yes," answered the great abolitionist.

"And you are trying to free the niggers, aren't you?"

"Yes, sir; I am."

"Well, why do you preach your doctrines up here? Why don't you go over
into Kentucky?"

"Excuse me, are you a preacher?"

"I am, sir."

"Are you trying to save