red
them; she showed her teeth and she pressed her lips tightly together. At
last she got up, with a weary sigh, and said:

"It's no use. I'll be some kind of reformer."

REGRETS

A Newport man who was invited to a house party at Bar Harbor,
telegraphed to the hostess: "Regret I can't come. Lie follows by post."

After the death of Lord Houghton, there was found in his correspondence
the following reply to a dinner invitation: "Mrs. ---- presents her
compliments to Lord Houghton. Her husband died on Tuesday, otherwise he
would have been delighted to dine with Lord Houghton on Thursday next."

A young woman prominent in the social set of an Ohio town tells of a
young man there who had not familiarized himself with the forms of
polite correspondence to the fullest extent. When, on one occasion, he
found it necessary to decline an invitation, he did so in the following
terms:

"Mr. Henry Blank declines with pleasure Mrs. Wood's invitation for the
nineteenth, and thanks her extremely for having given him the
opportunity of doing so."

REHEARSALS

The funeral procession was moving along the village street when Uncle
Abe stepped out of a store. He hadn't heard the news. "Sho," said Uncle
Abe, "who they buryin' today?"

"Pore old Tite Harrison," said the storekeeper.

"Sho," said Uncle Abe. "Tite Harrison, hey? Is Tite dead?"

"You don't think we're rehearsin' with him, do you?" snapped the
storekeeper.

RELATIVES

"It is hard, indeed," said the melancholy gentleman, "to lose one's
relatives."

"Hard?" snorted the gentleman of wealth. "Hard? It is impossible!"

RELIGIONS

When Bishop Phillips Brooks sailed from America on his last trip to
Europe, a friend jokingly remarked that while abroad he might discover
some new religion to bring home with him. "But be careful of it, Bishop
Brooks," remarked a listening friend; "it may be difficult to get your
new religion through the Custom House."

"I guess not," replied the Bishop, laughingly, "for we may take it for
granted that any new religion popular enough to import will have no
duties attached to it."

At a recent conference of Baptists, Methodists, and English Friends, in
the city of Chengtu, China, two Chinamen were heard discussing the three
denominations. One of them said to the other:

"They say these denominations have different beliefs. Just what is the
difference between them?"

"Oh," said the other, "Not m