n-house be jiggered!" exploded the official. "That's the
station!"

"I read of the terrible vengeance inflicted upon one of their members by
a band of robbers in Mississippi last week."

"What did they do? Shoot him?"

"No; they tied him upon the railroad tracks."

"Awful! And he was ground to pieces, I suppose?"

"Nothing like it. The poor fellow starved to death waiting for the next
train."--_W. Dayton Wegefarth_.

The reporter who had accompanied the special train to the scene of the
wreck, hurried down the embankment and found a man who had one arm in a
sling, a bandage over one eye, his front teeth gone, and his nose
knocked four points to starboard, sitting on a piece of the locomotive
and surveying the horrible ruin all about him.

"Can you give me some particulars of this accident?" asked the reporter,
taking out his notebook.

"I haven't heard of any accident, young man," replied the disfigured
party stiffly.

He was one of the directors of the railroad.

The Hon. John Sharp Williams had an engagement to speak in a small
southern town. The train he was traveling on was not of the swiftest,
and he lost no opportunity of keeping the conductor informed as to his
opinions of that particular road.

"Well, if yer don't like it," the conductor finally blurted out, "why in
thunder don't yer git out an' walk?"

"I would," Mr. Williams blandly replied, "but you see the committee
doesn't expect me until this train gets in."

"We were bounding along," said a recent traveler on a local South
African single-line railway, "at the rate of about seven miles an hour,
and the whole train was shaking terribly. I expected every moment to see
my bones protruding through my skin. Passengers were rolling from one
end of the car to the other. I held on firmly to the arms of the seat.
Presently we settled down a bit quieter; at least, I could keep my hat
on, and my teeth didn't chatter.

"There was a quiet looking man opposite me. I looked up with a ghastly
smile, wishing to appear cheerful, and said:

"'We are going a bit smoother, I see.'

"'Yes,' he said, 'we're off the track now.'"

Three men were talking in rather a large way as to the excellent train
service each had in his special locality: one was from the west, one
from New England, and the other from New York. The former two had told
of marvelous doings of trains, and it is distinctly "up" to the man from
New York.

"Now in New York," he said,