ick Henry," returned Pat with a vicious yank.

"The Twelve Apostles," said the Jew, taking a handful of whiskers.

Pat emitted a roar of pain, grasped the Jew's beard with both hands, and
yelled, "The ancient Order of Hibernians!"

RACE SUICIDE

"Prisoner, why did you assault this landlord?"

"Your Honor, because I have several children he refused to rent me a
flat."

"Well, that is his privilege."

"But, your Honor, he calls his apartment house 'The Roosevelt.'"

RACES

In answer to the question, "What are the five great races of mankind?" a
Chinese student replied, "The 100 yards, the hurdles, the quartermile,
the mile, and the three miles."

"Now, Thomas," said the foreman of the construction gang to a green hand
who had just been put on the job, "keep your eyes open. When you see a
train coming throw down your tools and jump off the track. Run like
blazes."

"Sure!" said Thomas, and began to swing his pick. In a few moments the
Empire State Express came whirling along. Thomas threw down his pick and
started up the track ahead of the train as fast as he could run. The
train overtook him and tossed him into a ditch. Badly shaken up he was
taken to the hospital, where the foreman visited him.

"You blithering idiot," said the foreman, "didn't I tell you to get out
of the road? Didn't I tell you to take care and get out of the way? Why
didn't you run up the side of the hill?"

"Up the soide of the hill is it, sor?" said Thomas through the bandages
on his face. "Up the soide of the hill? Be the powers, I couldn't bate
it on the level, let alone runnin' uphill!"

RAILROADS

"Talk 'bout railroads bein' a blessin'," said Brother Dickey, "des look
at de loads an' loads er watermelons deys haulin' out de state, ter dem
folks 'way up North what never done nuthin' ter deserve sich a
dispensation!"

On one of the southern railroads there is a station-building that is
commonly known by travelers as the smallest railroad station in America.
It is of this station that the story is told that an old farmer was
expecting a chicken-house to arrive there, and he sent one of his hands,
a new-comer, to fetch it. Arriving there the man saw the house, loaded
it on to his wagon and started for home. On the way he met a man in
uniform with the words "Station Agent" on his cap.

"Say, hold on. What have you got on that wagon?" he asked.

"My chicken-house, of course," was the reply.

"Chicke