e, und you're responsible; you
indorse it."

BAPTISM

"You don't know me, do you, Bobby?" asked a lady who had recently been
baptized.

"Sure I do," piped the youth. "You're the lady that went in swimming
with the preacher last Sunday."

Little Edward's twin sisters were being christened. All went well
until Edward saw the water in the font. Then he anxiously turned to
his mother and exclaimed: "Ma, which one are you going to keep?"

Throughout the christening ceremony the baby smiled up beautifully
into the clergyman's face.

"Well, madam," said he to the young wife, "I must congratulate you on
your little one's behavior. I have christened more than 2,000 babies,
but I never before christened one that behaved so well as yours."

The young mother smiled demurely, and said:

"His father and I, with a pail of water, have been practising on him
for the last ten days."

"Tommy," said the Sunday-school teacher, who had been giving a lesson
on the baptismal covenant, "can you tell me the two things necessary
to baptism?"

"Yes'm," said Tommy, "water and a baby."

In a small country church, not long since a little child was brought
forward for baptism. The young minister, taking the little one in his
arms, spoke as follows:

"Beloved hearers, no one can foretell the future of this little child.
He may grow up to be a great astronomer, like Sir Isaac Newton, or a
great labor leader like John Burns; and it is possible he might become
the prime minister of England."

Turning to the mother, he inquired, "What is the name of the child?"

"Mary Ann," was the reply.

BAPTISTS

The mayor of a tough border town is about to engage a preacher for the
new church.

"Parson, you aren't by any chance a Baptist, are you?"

"Why, no, not necessarily. Why?"

"Well, I was just agoin' to say we have to haul our water twelve
miles."

BARGAINS

A thin, anemic woman was accosted by her friend on the street: "Why,
Mary, how pale and thin you look! I thought you were going south for
your health."

"I was," said Mary, "but my doctor has offered me such a lovely
bargain in operations--a major operation for one thousand dollars--and
of course I can't resist that."

"How much vas dose collars?"

"Two for a quarter."

"How much for vun?"

"Fifteen cents."

"Giff me de odder vun."

"Ikey," said the teacher, "can you give me a definition for 'a
bargain'?"

"Sure I can," smile