. Caruth, of Kentucky, tells this story of an
experience he once had on a visit to a little Ohio town.

"I went up there on legal business," he says, "and, knowing that I
should have to stay all night, I proceeded directly to the only hotel.
The landlord stood behind the desk and regarded me with a kindly air as
I registered. It seems that he was a little hard of hearing, a fact of
which I was not aware. As I jabbed the pen back into the dish of bird
shot, I said:

"'Can you direct me to the bank?'

"He looked at me blankly for a second, then swinging the register
around, he glanced down swiftly, caught the 'Louisville' after my name,
and an expression of complete understanding lighting up his countenance,
he said:

"'Certainly, sir. You will find the bar right through that door at the
left.'"

_See also_ Drunkards; Good fellowship; Temperance; Wine.

DROUGHTS

Governor Glasscock of West Virginia, while traveling through Arizona,
noticed the dry, dusty appearance of the country.

"Doesn't it ever rain around here?" he asked one of the natives.

"Rain?" The native spat. "Rain? Why say pardner, there's bullfrogs in
this yere town over five years old that hain't learned to swim yet!"

DRUNKARDS

Sing a song of sick gents,
Pockets full of rye,
Four and twenty highballs,
We wish that we might die.

Two booze-fiends were ambling homeward at an early hour, after being out
nearly all night.

"Don't your wife miss you on these occasions?" asked one.

"Not often," replied the other; "she throws pretty straight."

"Where's old Four-Fingered Pete?" asked Alkali Ike. "I ain't seen him
around here since I got back."

"Pete?" said the bartender. "Oh, he went up to Hyena Tongue and got
jagged. Went up to a hotel winder, stuck his head in and hollered
'Fire!' and everybody did."

The Irish talent for repartee has an amusing illustration in Lord
Rossmore's recent book "Things I Can Tell." While acting as magistrate
at an Irish village, Lord Rossmore said to an old offender brought
before him: "You here again?" "Yes, your honor." "What's brought you
here?" "Two policemen, your honor." "Come, come, I know that--drunk
again, I suppose?" "Yes, your honor, both of them."

The colonel came down to breakfast New Year's morning with a bandaged
hand.

"Why, colonel, what's the matter?" they asked.

"Confound it all!" the colonel answered, "we had a little party last
night, and one of