h is good for the brains, what kind
of fish shall I eat?

To this the editor replied:

_Dear Miss_: Judging from the composition of your letter I should advise
you to eat a whale.

A hungry customer seated himself at a table in a quick-lunch restaurant
and ordered a chicken pie. When it arrived he raised the lid and sat
gazing at the contents intently for a while. Finally he called the
waiter.

"Look here, Sam," he said, "what did I order?"

"Chicken pie, sah."

"And what have you brought me?"

"Chicken pie, sah."

"Chicken pie, you black rascal!" the customer replied. "Chicken pie?
Why, there's not a piece of chicken in it, and never was."

"Dat's right, boss--dey ain't no chicken in it."

"Then why do you call it chicken pie? I never heard of such a thing."

"Dat's all right, boss. Dey don't have to be no chicken in a chicken
pie. Dey ain't no dog in a dog biscuit, is dey?"

_See also_ Dining.

FOOTBALL

His SISTER--"His nose seems broken."

His FIANCEE--"And he's lost his front teeth."

His MOTHER--"But he didn't drop the ball!"--_Life_.

FORDS

A boy stood with one foot on the sidewalk and the other on the step of a
Ford automobile. A playmate passed him, looked at his position, then
sang out: "Hey, Bobbie, have you lost your other skate?"

A farmer noticing a man in automobile garb standing in the road and
gazing upward, asked him if he were watching the birds.

"No," he answered, "I was cranking my Ford car and my hand slipped off
and the thing got away and went straight up in the air."

FORECASTING

A lady in a southern town was approached by her colored maid.

"Well, Jenny?" she asked, seeing that something was in the air.

"Please, Mis' Mary, might I have the aft'noon off three weeks frum
Wednesday?" Then, noticing an undecided look in her mistress's face, she
added hastily--"I want to go to my finance's fun'ral."

"Goodness me," answered the lady--"Your finance's funeral! Why, you
don't know that he's even going to die, let alone the date of his
funeral. That is something we can't any of us be sure about--when we are
going to die."

"Yes'm," said the girl doubtfully. Then, with a triumphant note in her
voice--"I'se sure about him, Mis', 'cos he's goin' to be hung!"

FORESIGHT

"They tell me you're working 'ard night an' day, Sarah?" her bosom
friend Ann said.

"Yes," returned Sarah. "I'm under bonds to keep the peace for pullin'
the