, he
said:

"'A letter for me, dear. May I open it?'"--_Edwin Tarrisse_.

"Your husband says he leads a dog's life," said one woman.

"Yes, it's very similar," answered the other. "He comes in with muddy
feet, makes himself comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed."

NEIGHBOR--"I s'pose your Bill's 'ittin' the 'arp with the hangels now?"

LONG-SUFFERING WIDOW--"Not 'im. 'Ittin' the hangels wiv the 'arp's
nearer 'is mark!"

"You say you are your wife's third husband?" said one man to another
during a talk.

"No, I am her fourth husband," was the reply.

"Heavens, man!" said the first man; "you are not a husband--you're a
habit."

MR. HENPECK--"Is my wife going out, Jane?"

JANE--"Yessir."

MR. HENPECK--"Do you know if I am going with her?"

A happily married woman, who had enjoyed thirty-three years of wedlock,
and who was the grandmother of four beautiful little children, had an
amusing old colored woman for a cook.

One day when a box of especially beautiful flowers was left for the
mistress, the cook happened to be present, and she said: "Yo' husband
send you all the pretty flowers you gits, Missy?"

"Certainly, my husband, Mammy," proudly answered the lady.

"Glory!" exclaimed the cook, "he suttenly am holdin' out well."

An absent-minded man was interrupted as he was finishing a letter to his
wife, in the office. As a result, the signature read:

Your loving husband,

HOPKINS BROS.

_Winifred C. Bristol_.

Mrs. McKinley used to tell of a colored widow whose children she had
helped educate. The widow, rather late in life, married again.

"How are you getting on?" Mrs. McKinley asked her a few months after her
marriage.

"Fine, thank yo', ma'am," the bride answered.

"And is your husband a good provider?"

"'Deed he am a good providah, ma'am," was the enthusiastic reply. "Why,
jes' dis las' week he got me five new places to wash at."

"I suffer so from insomnia I don't know what to do."

"Oh, my dear, if you could only talk to my husband awhile."

"Did Hardlucke bear his misfortune like a man?"

"Exactly like one. He blamed it all on his wife."--_Judge_.

A popular society woman announced a "White Elephant Party." Every guest
was to bring something that she could not find any use for, and yet too
good to throw away. The party would have been a great success but for
the unlooked-for development which broke it up. Eleven of the nineteen
women brought their hu