recruit,
"before a respictible man loike mysilf smothered from head to foot in
graise an' poipe clay? Tell me now--answer me when I spake to yez!"

The recruit was about to excuse himself for his condition when the
sergeant stopped him.

"Dare yez to answer me when I puts a question to yez?" he cried. "Hould
yer lyin' tongue, and open your face at yer peril! Tell me now, what
have ye been doin' wid yer uniform an' arms an' bills? Not a word, or
I'll clap yez in the guardroom. When I axes yez anything an' yez spakes
I'll have yez tried for insolence to yer superior officer, but if yez
don't answer when I questions yez, I'll have yez punished for
disobedience of orders! So, yez see, I have yez both ways!"

Mistake, error, is the discipline through which we advance.--_Channing_.

MILLINERS

Recipe for a milliner:

To a presence that's much more than queenly,
Add a manner that's quite Vere de Vere;
You feel like a worm in her sight when she says,
"Only $300, my dear!"

--_Life_.

MILLIONAIRES

Recipe for a multi-millionaire:

Take a boy with bare feet as a starter
Add thrift and sobriety, mixed--
Flavor with quarts of religion,
And see that the tariff is fixed.

--_Life_.

MILLIONAIRE (to a beggar)--"Be off with you this minute!"

BEGGAR--"Look 'ere, mister; the only difference between you and me is
that you are makin' your second million, while I am still workin' at my
first."

"Now that you have made $50,000,000, I suppose you are going to keep
right on for the purpose of trying to get a hundred millions?"

"No, sir. You do me an injustice. I'm going to put in the rest of my
time trying to get my conscience into a satisfactory condition."

"When I was a young man," said Mr. Cumrox, "I thought nothing of working
twelve or fourteen hours a day."

"Father," replied the young man with sporty clothes, "I wish you
wouldn't mention it. Those non-union sentiments are liable to make you
unpopular."

No good man ever became suddenly rich.--_Syrus_.

And all to leave what with his toil he won,
To that unfeather'd two-legged thing, a son.

--_Dryden_.

_See also_ Capitalists.

MINORITIES

Stepping out between the acts at the first production of one of his
plays, Bernard Shaw said to the audience:

"What do you think of it?"

This startled everybody for the time being, but presently a man in the
pit assembled his scattered wit