ng the wickedness of profanity as well as its vulgarity. She
asked where he had learned all those dreadful words. Bartholomew
announced that Cavert, one of his playmates, had taught him.

Cavert's mother was straightway informed and Cavert was brought to book.
He vigorously denied having instructed Bartholomew, and neither threats
nor tears could make him confess. At last he burst out:

"I didn't tell Bartholomew any cuss words. Why should I know how to cuss
any better than he does? Hasn't his father got an automobile, too?"

They were in Italy together.

"If you would let me curse them black and blue," said the groom, "we
shouldn't have to wait so long for the trunks."

"But, darling, please don't. It would distress me so," murmured the
bride.

The groom went off, but quickly returned with the porters before him
trundling the trunks at a double quick.

"Oh, dearest, how did you do it? You didn't--?"

"Not at all. I thought of something that did quite as well. I said,
'_S-s-s-susquehanna, R-r-r-rappahannock!'"--Cornelia C. Ward_.

A school girl was required to write an essay of two hundred and fifty
words about a motorcar. She submitted the following:

"My uncle bought a motorcar. He was riding in the country when it busted
up a hill. I guess this is about fifty words. The other two hundred are
what my uncle said when he was walking back to town, but they are not
fit for publication."

The ashman was raising a can of ashes above his head to dump the
contents into his cart, when the bottom of the can came out. Ethel saw
it and ran in and told her mother.

"I hope you didn't listen to what he said," the mother remarked.

"He didn't say a word to me," replied the little girl; "he just walked
right off by the side of his cart, talking to God."

A young man entered the jeweler's store and bought a ring, which he
ordered engraved. The jeweler asked what name.

"George Osborne to Harriet Lewis, but I prefer only the initials, G.O.
to H.L."

For it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent
sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof
itself would have earned him.--_Shakespeare_.

PROHIBITION

"Talking about dry towns, have you ever been in Leavenworth, Kansas?"
asked the commercial traveler in the smoking-car. "No? Well, that's a
dry town for you, all right."

"They can't sell liquor at all there?" asked one of the men.

"Only if you had be