$100; kill man, too bad!"

TEACHER--"Willie, did your father cane you for what you did in school
yesterday?"

PUPIL--"No, ma'am; he said the licking would hurt him more than it
would me."

TEACHER--"What rot! Your father is too sympathetic."

PUPIL--"No, ma'am; but he's got the rheumatism in both arms."

"Boohoo! Boohoo!" wailed little Johnny.

"Why, what's the matter, dear?" his mother asked comfortingly.

"Boohoo--er--p-picture fell on papa's toes."

"Well, dear, that's too bad, but you mustn't cry about it, you know."

"I d-d-didn't. I laughed. Boohoo! Boohoo!"

The fact that corporal punishment is discouraged in the public schools
of Chicago is what led Bobby's teacher to address this note to the
boy's mother:

DEAR MADAM:--I regret very much to have to tell you that your
son, Robert, idles away his time, is disobedient, quarrelsome,
and disturbs the pupils who are trying to study their lessons.
He needs a good whipping and I strongly recommend that you
give him one.

Yours truly,

Miss Blank.

To this Bobby's mother responded as follows:

Dear Miss Blanks--Lick him yourself. I ain't mad at him.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Dash.

A little fellow who was being subjected to a whipping pinched his
father under the knee. "Willie, you bad boy! How dare you do that?"
asked the parent wrathfully.

A pause. Then Willie answered between sobs: "Well, Father, who started
this war, anyway?"

A little girl about three years old was sent upstairs and told to sit
on a certain chair that was in the corner of her room, as a punishment
for something she had done but a few minutes before.

Soon the silence was broken by the little one's question: "Mother, may
I come down now?"

"No, you sit right where you are."

"All right, 'cause I'm sittin' on your best hat."

It is less to suffer punishment than to deserve it.--_Ovid_.

If Jupiter hurled his thunderbolt as often as men sinned, he would
soon be out of thunderbolts.--_Ovid_.

_See also_ Church discipline; Future life; Marriage.

PUNS

A father once said to his son,
"The next time you make up a pun,
Go out in the yard
And kick yourself hard,
And I will begin when you've done."

PURE FOOD

Into a general store of a town in Arkansas there recently came a darky
complaining that a ham which he had purchased there was not good.

"The ham is all right, Zeph," insisted