t fellow who just left jail is going to be arrested again
soon."

"How do you know?"

SHERIFF--"He chopped my wood, carried the water, and mended my socks. I
can't get along without him."

PRODIGALS

"Why did the father of the prodigal son fall on his neck and weep?"

"Cos he had ter kill the fatted calf, an' de son wasn't wort' it."

PROFANITY

THE RECTOR--"It's terrible for a man like you to make every other word
an oath."

THE MAN--"Oh, well, I swear a good deal and you pray a good deal, but we
don't neither of us mean nuthin' by it."

FIRST DEAF MUTE--"He wasn't so very angry, was he?"

SECOND DEAF MUTE--"He was so wild that the words he used almost
blistered his fingers."

The little daughter of a clergyman stubbed her toe and said, "Darn!"

"I'll give you ten cents," said father, "if you'll never say that word
again."

A few days afterward she came to him and said: "Papa, I've got a word
worth half a dollar."

Very frequently the winter highways of the Yukon valley are mere trails,
traversed only by dog-sledges. One of the bishops in Alaska, who was
very fond of that mode of travel, encountered a miner coming out with
his dog-team, and stopped to ask him what kind of a road he had come
over.

The miner responded with a stream of forcible and picturesque profanity,
winding up with:

"And what kind o' trail did you have?"

"Same as yours," replied the bishop feelingly.--_Elgin Burroughs_.

A scrupulous priest of Kildare,
Used to pay a rude peasant to swear,
Who would paint the air blue,
For an hour or two,
While his reverence wrestled in prayer.

Donald and Jeanie were putting down a carpet. Donald slammed the end of
his thumb with the hammer and began to pour forth his soul in language
befitting the occasion.

"Donald, Donald!" shrieked Jeanie, horrified. "Dinna swear that way!"

"Wummun!" vociferated Donald; "gin ye know ony better way, now is the
time to let me know it!"

"It is not always necessary to make a direct accusation," said the
lawyer who was asking damages because insinuations had been made against
his client's good name. "You may have heard of the woman who called to
the hired girl, 'Mary, Mary. come here and take the parrot
downstairs--the master has dropped his collar button!'"

Little Bartholomew's mother overheard him swearing like a mule-driver.
He displayed a fluency that overwhelmed her. She took him to task,
explaini