I heerd them
say that they left undone the things what they'd oughter done
and they'd done some things what they oughtenter done, and I
says to myself says I: 'That's my fix exac'ly,' and ever sence
then I've been a 'Piscopalian."

PROTESTANTS

A Protestant mission meeting had been held in an Irish town and this
was the gardener's contribution to the controversy that ensued:
"Pratestants!" he said with lofty scorn, "'Twas mighty little St. Paul
thought of the Pratestants. You've all heard tell of the 'pistle he
wrote to the Romans, but I'd ax ye this, did any of yez iver hear of
his writing a 'pistle to the Pratestants?"

PROVIDENCE

"Why did papa have appendicitis and have to pay the doctor a thousand
dollars, Mama?"

"It was God's will, dear."

"And was it because God was mad at papa or pleased with the
doctor?"--_Life_.

There's a certain minister whose duties sometimes call him out of the
city. He has always arranged for some one of his parishioners to keep
company with his wife and little daughter during these absences.
Recently, however, he was called away so suddenly that he had no
opportunity of providing a guardian.

The wife was very brave during the early evening, but after dark had
fallen her courage began to fail. She stayed up with her little girl
till there was no excuse for staying any longer and then took her
upstairs to bed.

"Now go to sleep, Dearie," she said. "Don't be afraid. God will
protect you."

"Yes, Mother," answered the little girl, "that'll be all right
tonight, but next time let's make better arrangements."

PROVINCIALISM

Some time ago an English friend of Colonel W.J. Lampton's living in
New York and having never visited the South, went to Virginia to spend
a month with friends. After a fortnight of it, he wrote back:

"Oh, I say, old top, you never told me that the South was anything
like I have found it, and so different to the North. Why, man, it's
God's country."

The Colonel, who gets his title from Kentucky, answered promptly by
postal.

"Of course it is," he wrote. "You didn't suppose God was a Yankee, did
you?"

A southerner, with the intense love for his own district, attended a
banquet. The next day a friend asked him who was present. With a
reminiscent smile he replied: "An elegant gentleman from Virginia, a
gentleman from Kentucky, a man from Ohio, a bounder from Chicago, a
fellow from New York, and a galoot from Maine."