large business house bought a number of those "Do it now"
signs and hung them up around his offices. When, after the first few
days of those signs, the business man counted up the results, he found
that the cashier had skipped out with $20,000, the head bookkeeper had
eloped with the stenographer, three clerks had asked for a raise in
salary, and the office boy had lit out for the west to become a
highwayman.

"Are you waiting for me, dear?" she said, coming downstairs at last,
after spending half an hour fixing her hat.

"Waiting," exclaimed the impatient man. "Oh no, not
waiting--sojourning."

PRONUNCIATION

A tale is told of a Kansas minister, a great precisionist in the use of
words, whose exactness sometimes destroyed the force of what he was
saying. On one occasion, in the course of an eloquent prayer, he
pleaded:

"O Lord! waken thy cause in the hearts of this congregation and give
them new eyes to see and new impulse to do. Send down Thy lev-er or
lee-ver, according to Webster's or Worcester's dictionary, whichever
Thou usest, and pry them into activity."

"I'm at the head of my class, pa," said Willie.

"Dear me, son, how did that happen?" cried his father.

"Why, the teacher asked us this morning how to pronounce
C-h-i-h-u-a-h-u-a, and nobody knew," said Willie, "but when she got down
to me I sneezed and she said that was right."

_See also_ Liars.

PROPORTION

A middle-aged colored woman in a Georgia village, hearing a commotion in
a neighbor's cabin, looked in at the door. On the floor lay a small boy
writhing in great distress while his mother bent solicitously over him.

"What-all's de matter wif de chile?" asked the visitor sympathetically.

"I spec's hit's too much watermillion," responded the mother.

"Ho! go 'long wif you," protested the visitor scornfully. "Dey cyan't
never be too much watermillion. Hit mus' be dat dere ain't enough boy."

PROPOSALS

A love-smitten youth who was studying the approved method of proposal
asked one of his bachelor friends if he thought that a young man should
propose to a girl on his knees.

"If he doesn't," replied his friend, "the girl should get off."

A gentleman who had been in Chicago only three days, but who had been
paying attention to a prominent Chicago belle, wanted to propose, but
was afraid he would be thought too hasty. He delicately broached the
subject as follows: "If I were to speak to you of marria