pe."

_See also_ Chicken stealing.

NEIGHBORS

THE MAN AT THE DOOR--"Madame, I'm the piano-tuner."

THE WOMAN--"I didn't send for a piano-tuner."

THE MAN--"I know it, lady; the neighbors did."

NEW JERSEY

"You must have had a terrible experience with no food, and mosquitoes
swarming around you," I said to the shipwrecked mariner who had been
cast upon the Jersey sands.

"You just bet I had a terrible experience," he acknowledged. "My
experience was worse than that of the man who wrote 'Water, water
everywhere, but not a drop to drink.' With me it was bites, bites
everywhere, but not a bite to eat."

NEW YORK CITY

At a convention of Methodist Bishops held in Washington, the Bishop of
New York made a stirring address extolling the powers and possibilities
of his state. Bishop Hamilton, of California, like all good
Californians, is imbued with the conviction that it would be hard to
equal a place he knows of on the Pacific, and following the Bishop of
New York he gave a glowing picture of California, concluding:

"Not only is it the best place on earth to live in, but it has superior
advantages, too, as a place to die in; for there we have at our
threshold the beautiful Golden Gate, while in New York they only
have--well, you know which gate it is over at New York!" One night Dave
Warfield was playing at David Belasco's new theatre, supported by one of
Mr. Belasco's new companies. The performance ran with a smoothness of a
Standard Oil lawyer explaining rebates to a Federal court. A worthy
person of the farming classes, sitting in G 14, was plainly impressed.
In an interval between the acts he turned to the metropolitan who had
the seat next him.

"Where do all them troopers come from?" he inquired.

"I don't think I understand," said the city-dweller.

"I mean them actors up yonder on the stage," explained the man from
afar. "Was they brought on specially for this show, or do they live
here?"

"I believe most of them live here in town," said the New Yorker.

"Well, they do purty blamed well for home talent," said the stranger.

A traveler in Tennessee came across an aged negro seated in front of his
cabin door basking in the sunshine.

"He could have walked right on the stage for an Uncle Tom part without a
line of makeup," says the traveler. "He must have been eighty years of
age."

"Good morning, uncle," says the stranger.

"Mornin', sah! Mornin'," said the aged