. I got a morning paper, and, after rustling it a few minutes, I said
to Sousa:

"'That's the greatest order Cleveland has just issued!'

"'What's that?' came from the opposite berth.

"'Why he's ordered all the office-seekers rounded up at the depot and
sent home.'

"You should have seen the general consternation that ensued. From almost
every berth on the car a head came out from between the curtains, and
with one accord nearly every man shouted:

'What's that?'"

OLD AGE

_See_ Age.

OLD MASTERS

_See_ Paintings.

ONIONS

Can the Burbanks of the glorious West
Either make or buy or sell
An onion with an onion's taste
But with a violet's smell?

SHE--"They say that an apple a day will keep the doctor away."

HE--"Why stop there? An onion a day will keep everybody away."

OPERA

"Which do you consider the most melodious Wagnerian opera?" asked Mrs.
Cumrox.

"There are several I haven't heard, aren't there?" rejoined her husband.

"Yes."

"Then I guess it's one of them."

OPPORTUNITY

Many a man creates his own lack of opportunities.--_Life_.

Who seeks, and will not take when once 'tis offer'd,
Shall never find it more.

--_Shakespeare_.

In life's small things be resolute and great
To keep thy muscles trained; know'st thou when fate
Thy measure takes? or when she'll say to thee,
"I find thee worthy, do this thing for me!"

--_Emerson_.

OPTIMISM

Optimism is Worry on a spree.--_Judge_.

An optimist is a man who doesn't care what happens just so is doesn't
happen to him.

An optimist is the fellow who doesn't know what's coming to him.--_J.J.
O'Connell_.

An optimist is a woman who thinks that everything is for the best, and
that she is the best.-_Judge_.

A political optimist is a fellow who can make sweet, pink lemonade out
of the bitter yellow fruit which his opponents hand him.

Mayor William S. Jordan, at a Democratic banquet in Jacksonville, said
of optimism:

"Let us cultivate optimism and hopefulness. There is nothing like it.
The optimistic man can see a bright side to everything--everything.

"A missionary in a slum once laid his hand on a man's shoulder and said:

"'Friend, do you hear the solemn ticking of that clock? Tick-tack;
tick-tack. And oh, friend, do you know what day it inexorably and
relentlessly brings nearer?"

"'Yes-pay day,' the other, an honest, optim