d, "No questions asked" to his
advertisement, and returned to the _Daily News_ office.

The place was deserted, save for the skinny little freckle-faced devil,
who sat perched on a high stool, gazing wistfully out of the window.

"Where is everybody?" Tarkington asked.

"Gawn to hunt for th' dawg," replied the boy.

"You are the greatest inventor in the world," exclaimed a newspaper man
to Alexander Graham Bell.

"Oh, no, my friend, I'm not," said Professor Bell. "I've never been a
reporter."

Not long ago a city editor in Ottumwa, Iowa, was told over the telephone
that a prominent citizen had just died suddenly. He called a reporter
and told him to rush out and get the "story." Twenty minutes later the
reporter returned, sat down at his desk, and began to rattle off copy on
his typewriter.

"Well, what about it?" asked the city editor.

"Oh, nothing much," replied the reporter, without looking up. "He was
walking along the street when he suddenly clasped his hands to his heart
and said, 'I'm going to die!' Then he leaned up against a fence and made
good."

Enraged over something the local newspaper had printed about him, a
subscriber burst into the editor's office in search of the responsible
reporter. "Who are you?" he demanded, glaring at the editor, who was
also the main stockholder.

"I'm the newspaper," was the calm reply.

"And who are you?" he next inquired, turning his resentful gaze on the
chocolate-colored office-devil clearing out the waste basket.

"Me?" rejoined the darky, grinning from ear to ear. "Ah guess ah's de
cul'ud supplement."

Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand
bayonets.--_Napoleon I_.

Newspapers always excite curiosity. No one ever lays one down without a
feeling of disappointment.--_Charles Lamb_.

OBESITY

_See_ Corpulence.

OBITUARIES

If you have frequent fainting spells, accompanied by chills, cramps,
corns, bunions, chilblains, epilepsy and jaundice, it is a sign that you
are not well, but liable to die any minute. Pay your subscription in
advance and thus make yourself solid for a good obituary
notice.--_Mountain Echo_.

_See_ also Epitaphs.

OBSERVATION

In his daily half hour confidential talk with his boy an ambitious
father tried to give some good advice.

"Be observing, my son," said the father on one occasion. "Cultivate the
habit of seeing, and you will be a successful man. Study things a