d what's more, my grandfather was a Pine!"

"No Wood, you know, splits any easier than a Pine."--_Ramsey Benson_.

"But Eliza," said the mistress, "your little boy was christened George
Washington. Why do you call him Izaak Walton? Walton, you know, was the
famous fisherman."

"Yes'm," answered Eliza, "but dat chile's repetashun fo' telling de
troof made dat change imper'tive."

The mother of the girl baby, herself named Rachel, frankly told her
husband that she was tired of the good old names borne by most of the
eminent members of the family, and she would like to give the little
girl a name entirely different. Then she wrote on a slip of paper
"Eugenie," and asked her husband if he didn't think that was a pretty
name.

The father studied the name for a moment and then said: "Vell, call her
Yousheenie, but I don't see vat you gain by it."

There was a great swell in Japan,
Whose name on a Tuesday began;
It lasted through Sunday
Till twilight on Monday,
And sounded like stones in a can.

He was a young lawyer who had just started practicing in a small town
and hung his sign outside of his office door. It read: "A. Swindler." A
stranger who called to consult him saw the sign and said: "My goodness,
man, look at that sign! Don't you see how it reads? Put in your first
name--Alexander, Ambrose or whatever it is."

"Oh, yes I know," said the lawyer resignedly, "but I don't exactly like
to do it."

"Why not?" asked the client. "It looks mighty bad as it is. What is your
first name?"

"Adam."

Who hath not own'd, with rapture-smitten frame,
The power of grace, the magic of a name.

--_Campbell_.

NATIVES

FRIEND (admiring the prodigy)--"Seventh standard, is she? Plays the
planner an' talks French like a native, I'll bet."

FOND BUT "TOUCHY" PARENT--"I've no doubt that's meant to be very funny,
Bill Smith; but as it 'appens you're only exposin' your ignorance; they
ain't natives in France--they're as white as wot we are."--_Sketch_.

NATURE LOVERS

"Would you mind tooting your factory whistle a little?"

"What for?"

"For my father over yonder in the park. He's a trifle deaf and he hasn't
heard a robin this summer."

NAVIGATION

The fog was dense and the boat had stopped when the old lady asked the
Captain why he didn't go on.

"Can't see up the river, madam."

"But, Captain," she persisted, "I can see the stars overhead."

"Yes, ma'am,"