only a fork when it was raining soup.

_See also_ Windfalls.

MAINE

The Governor of Maine was at the school and was telling the pupils what
the people of different states were called.

"Now," he said, "the people from Indiana are called 'Hoosiers'; the
people from North Carolina 'Tar Heels'; the people from Michigan we know
as 'Michiganders.' Now, what little boy or girl can tell me what the
people of Maine are called?"

"I know," said a little girl.

"Well, what are we called?" asked the Governor.

"Maniacs."

MAKING GOOD

"What's become ob dat little chameleon Mandy had?" inquired Rufus.

"Oh, de fool chile done lost him," replied Zeke. "She wuz playin' wif
him one day, puttin' him on red to see him turn red, an' on blue to see
him turn blue, an' on green to see him turn green, an' so on. Den de
fool gal, not satisfied wif lettin' well enough alone, went an' put him
on a plaid, an' de poor little thing went an' bust himself tryin' to
make good."

_See also_ Success.

MALARIA

The physician had taken his patient's pulse and temperature, and
proceeded to ask the usual questions.

"It--er--seems," said he, regarding the unfortunate with scientific
interest, "that the attacks of fever and the chills appear on alternate
days. Do you think--is it your opinion--that they have, so to speak,
decreased in violence, if I may use that word?"

The patient smiled feebly. "Doc," said he, "on fever days my head's so
hot I can't think, and on ague days I shake so I can't hold an opinion."

MARKS(WO)MANSHIP

An Irishman who, with his wife, is employed on a truck-farm in New
Jersey, recently found himself in a bad predicament, when, in attempting
to evade the onslaughts of a savage dog, assistance came in the shape of
his wife.

When the woman came up, the dog had fastened his teeth in the calf of
her husband's leg and was holding on for dear life. Seizing a stone in
the road, the Irishman's wife was about to hurl it, when the husband,
with wonderful presence of mind, shouted:

"Mary! Mary! Don't throw the stone at the dog! throw it at me!"

Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was gone in spots,
For Mary fired her father's gun,
And lamby caught the shots!

--_Columbia Jester_.

MARRIAGE

MRS. QUACKENNESS--"Am yo' daughtar happily mar'd, Sistah Sagg?"

MRS. SAGG--"She sho' is! Bless goodness she's done got a husband dat's
skeered to death of h