an
American beauty."

"Well," said Nat dryly, "you haven't got anything on me. I married a
cluster."

"Are you quite sure that was a marriage license you gave me last month?"

"Of course! What's the matter?"

"Well, I thought there might be some mistake, seeing that I've lived a
dog's life ever since."

Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning
of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and
such as are out wish to get in.--_Emerson_.

HOUSEHOLDER--"Here, drop that coat and clear out!"

BURGLAR--"You be quiet, or I'll wake your wife and give her this letter
I found in your pocket."

The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend
their time in making nets, not in making cages.--_Swift_.

_See also_ Church discipline; Domestic finance; Trouble.

MARRIAGE FEES

A poor couple who went to the priest to be wedded were met with a demand
for the marriage fee. It was not forth-coming. Both the consenting
parties were rich in love and in their prospects, but destitute of
financial resources. The father was obdurate. "No money, no marriage."

"Give me l'ave, your riverence," said the blushing bride, "to go and get
the money."

It was given, and she sped forth on the delicate mission of raising a
marriage fee out of pure nothing. After a short interval she returned
with the sum of money, and the ceremony was completed to the
satisfaction of all. When the parting was taking place the newly-made
wife seemed a little uneasy.

"Anything on your mind, Catherine?" said the father.

"Well, your riverence, I would like to know if this marriage could not
be spoiled now."

"Certainly not, Catherine. No man can put you asunder."

"Could you not do it yourself, father? Could you not spoil the
marriage?"

"No, no, Catherine. You are past me now. I have nothing more to do with
your marriage."

"That aises me mind," said Catherine, "and God bless your riverence.
There's the ticket for your hat. I picked it up in the lobby and pawned
it."

MANDY--"What foh yo' been goin'to de post-office so reg'lar? Are yo'
corresponding wif some other female?"

RASTUS--"Nope; but since ah been a-readin' in de papers 'bout dese
'conscience funds' ah kind of thought ah might possibly git a lettah
from dat ministah what married us."--_Life_.

The knot was tied; the pair were wed,
And then the smiling bridegroom said
Unto the pre