e Committee."

"Of course," returned the lady; "how stupid I am! However, I knew you
were an inmate or a member of the Legislature the moment I looked at
you. But how was I to know? It is so difficult to know which."

LIARS

There are three kinds of liars:

1. The man whom others can't believe. He is harmless. Let him alone.

2. The man who can't believe others. He has probably made a careful
study of human nature. If you don't put him in jail, he will find out
that you are a hypocrite.

3. The man who can't believe himself. He is a cautious individual.
Encourage him.

Two Irishmen were working on the roof of a building one day when one
made a misstep and fell to the ground. The other leaned over and called:

"Are yez dead or alive, Mike?"

"Oi'm alive," said Mike feebly.

"Sure you're such a liar Oi don't know whether to belave yez or not."

"Well, then, Oi must be dead," said Mike, "for yez would never dare to
call me a liar if Oi wor aloive."

FATHER (reprovingly)--"Do you know what happens to liars when they die?"

JOHNNY--"Yes, sir; they lie still."

A private, anxious to secure leave of absence, sought his captain with a
most convincing tale about a sick wife breaking her heart for his
absence. The officer, familiar with the soldier's ways, replied:

"I am afraid you are not telling the truth. I have just received a
letter from your wife urging me not to let you come home because you get
drunk, break the furniture, and mistreat her shamefully."

The private saluted and started to leave the room. He paused at the
door, asking: "Sor, may I speak to you, not as an officer, but as mon to
mon?"

"Yes; what is it?"

"Well, sor, what I'm after sayin' is this," approaching the captain and
lowering his voice. "You and I are two of the most iligant liars the
Lord ever made. I'm not married at all."

A conductor and a brakeman on a Montana railroad differ as to the proper
pronunciation of the name Eurelia. Passengers are often startled upon
arrival at his station to hear the conductor yell:

"You're a liar! You're a liar!"

And then from the brakeman at the other end of the car:

"You really are! You really are!"

MOTHER--"Oh, Bobby, I'm ashamed of you. I never told stories when I was
a little girl."

BOBBY--"When did you begin, then, Mamma?"--_Horace Zimmerman_.

The sages of the general store were discussing the veracity of old Si
Perkins when Uncle Bill Abbott ambled in.