soon as he could extricate himself he rose and offered her his seat.

"You are very kind, sir," she said, panting for breath.

"Not at all, madam," he replied; "it's not kindness; it's simply
self-defense."

KINGS AND RULERS

"I think," said the heir apparent, "that I will add music and dancing to
my accomplishments."

"Aren't they rather light?"

"They may seem so to you, but they will be very handy if a revolution
occurs and I have to go into vaudeville."

The present King George in his younger days visited Canada in company
with the Duke of Clarence. One night at a ball in Quebec, given in honor
of the two royalties, the younger Prince devoted his time exclusively to
the young ladies, paying little or no attention to the elderly ones and
chaperons.

His brother reprimanded him, pointing out to him his social position and
his duty as well.

"That's all right," said the young Prince. "There are two of us. You go
and sing God save your Grandmother, while I dance with the girls."

And so we sing, "Long live the King;
Long live the Queen and Jack;
Long live the Ten-spot and the Ace,
And also all the pack."

--_Eugene Field_.

FIRST EUROPEAN SOCIETY LADY--"Wouldn't you like to be presented to our
sovereign?"

SECOND E.S.L.--"No. Simply because I have to be governed by a man is no
reason why I should condescend to meet him socially."

One afternoon Kaiser Wilhelm caustically reproved old General Von
Meerscheidt for some small lapses.

"If your Majesty thinks that I am too old for the service please permit
me to resign," said the General.

"No; you are too young to resign," said the Kaiser.

In the evening of that same day, at a court ball, the Kaiser saw the old
General talking to some young ladies, and he said:

"General, take a young wife, then your excitable temperament will
vanish."

"Excuse me, your Majesty," replied the General. "It would kill me to
have both a young wife and a young Emperor."

During the war of 1812, a dinner was given in Canada, at which both
American and British officers were present. One of the latter offered
the toast: "To President Madison, dead or alive!"

An American offered the response: "To the Prince Regent, drunk or
sober!"--_Mrs. Gouverneur_.

A lady of Queen Victoria's court once asked her if she did not think
that one of the satisfactions of the future life would be the meeting
with the notable figures of the past, such as Ab