IVERSITY

"Well, I'll tell you this," said the college man, "Wellesley is a match
factory."

"That's quite true," assented the girl. "At Wellesley we make the heads,
but we get the sticks from Harvard."--_C. Stratton_.

HASH

"George," said the Titian-haired school marm, "is there any connecting
link between the animal kingdom and the vegetable kingdom?"

"Yeth, ma'am," answered George promptly. "Hash."

HASTE

The ferry-dock was crowded with weary home-goers when through the crowd
rushed a man--hot, excited, laden to the chin with bundles of every
shape and size. He sprinted down the pier, his eyes fixed on a ferryboat
only two or three feet out from the pier. He paused but an instant on
the string-piece, and then, cheered on by the amused crowd, he made a
flying leap across the intervening stretch of water and landed safely on
the deck. A fat man happened to be standing on the exact spot on which
he struck, and they both went down with a resounding crash. When the
arriving man had somewhat recovered his breath he apologized to the fat
man. "I hope I didn't hurt you," he said. "I am sorry. But, anyway I
caught the boat!"

"But you idiot," said the fat man, "the boat was coming in!"

HEALTH RESORTS

"Where've you been, Murray?"

"To a health resort. Finest place I ever struck. It was simply great."

"Then why did you come away?"

"Oh, I got sick and had to come home."

"Are you going back?"

"You bet. Just as soon as I get well enough."

HEARING

The Ladies' Aid ladies were talking about a conversation they had
overheard before the meeting, between a man and his wife.

"They must have been to the Zoo," said Mrs. A., "because I heard her
mention 'a trained deer.'"

"Goodness me!" laughed Mrs. B. "What queer hearing you must have! They
were talking about going away, and she said, 'Find out about the train,
dear.'"

"Well did anybody ever?" exclaimed Mrs. C. "I am sure they were talking
about musicians, for she said 'a trained ear,' as distinctly as could
be."

The discussion began to warm up, and in the midst of it the lady herself
appeared. They carried their case to her promptly, and asked for a
settlement.

"Well, well, you do beat all!" she exclaimed, after hearing each one.
"I'd been out to the country overnight, and was asking my husband if it
rained here last night."

After which the three disputants retired, abashed and in silence.--_W.J.
Lampton_.