with her."

The young man reflected for a moment and then inquired: "You haven't one
about fifty, have you?"

FOUNTAIN PENS

"Fust time you've ever milked a cow, is it?" said Uncle Josh to his
visiting nephew. "Wal, y' do it a durn sight better'n most city fellers
do."

"It seems to come natural somehow," said the youth, flushing with
pleasure. "I've had a good deal of practice with a fountain pen."

"Percy" asks if we know anything which will change the color of the
fingers when they have become yellow from cigarette smoking.

He might try using one of the inferior makes of fountain pens.

FOURTH OF JULY

"You are in favor of a safe and sane Fourth of July?"

"Yes," replied Mr. Growcher. "We ought to have that kind of a day at
least once a year."

One Fourth of July night in London, the Empire Music Hall advertised
special attractions to American visitors. All over the auditorium the
Union Jack and Stars and Stripes enfolded one another, and at the
interludes were heard "Yankee Doodle" and "Hail Columbia," while a
quartette sang "Down upon the Swanee River." It was an occasion to swell
the heart of an exiled patriot. Finally came the turn of the Human
Encyclopedia, who advanced to the front of the stage and announced
himself ready to answer, sight unseen, all questions the audience might
propound. A volley of queries was fired at him, and the Encyclopedia
breathlessly told the distance of the earth from Mars, the number of
bones in the human skeleton, of square miles in the British Empire, and
other equally important facts. There was a brief pause, in which an
American stood up.

"What great event took place July 4, 1776?" he propounded in a loud glad
voice.

The Human Encyclopedia glared at him. "Th' hincident you speak of, sir,
was a hinfamous houtrage!"

FREAKS

_See_ Husbands.

FREE THOUGHT

TOMMY--"Pop, what is a freethinker?"

POP--"A freethinker, my son, is any man who isn't married."

FRENCH LANGUAGE

"I understand you speak French like a native."

"No," replied the student; "I've got the grammar and the accent down
pretty fine. But it's hard to learn the gestures."

In Paris last summer a southern girl was heard to drawl between the acts
of "Chantecler": "I think it's mo' fun when you don't understand French.
It sounds mo' like chickens!"--_Life_.

FRESHMEN

_See_ College Students.

FRIENDS

The Lord gives our r