an in the caboose to go up
and put the man off at the next stop. When the brakeman approached the
tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to keep away.

"Did you get rid of him?" the conductor asked the brakeman, when the
train was under motion again.

"I hadn't the heart," was the reply. "He turned out to be an old school
friend of mine."

"I'll take care of him," said the conductor, as he started over the tops
of the cars.

After the train had made another stop and gone on, the brakeman came
into the caboose and said to the conductor:

"Well, is he off?"

"No; he turned out to be an old school friend of mine, too."

If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his
friendship in constant repair.--_Samuel Johnson_.

They say, and I am glad they say,
It is so; and it may be so;
It may be just the other way,
I cannot tell, but this I know--
From quiet homes and first beginnings
Out to the undiscovered ends
There's nothing worth the wear of winning
Save laughter and the love of friends.

--_Hilaire Belloc_.

FUN

Fun is like life insurance, th' older you git th' more it costs.--_Abe
Martin_.

_See also_ Amusements.

FUNERALS

There was an old man in a hearse,
Who murmured, "This might have been worse;
Of course the expense
Is simply immense,
But it doesn't come out of my purse."

FURNITURE

GUEST--"That's a beautiful rug. May I ask how much it cost you?"

HOST--"Five hundred dollars. A hundred and fifty for it and the rest for
furniture to match."

FUTURE LIFE

A certain young man's friends thought he was dead, but he was only in a
state of coma. When, in ample time to avoid being buried, he showed
signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead.

"Dead?" he exclaimed. "I wasn't dead. I knew all that was going on. And
I knew I wasn't dead, too, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."

"But how did that fact make you think you were still alive?" asked one
of the curious.

"Well, this way; I knew that if I were in heaven I wouldn't be hungry.
And if I was in the other place my feet wouldn't be cold."

FATHER (impressively)--"Suppose I should be taken away suddenly, what
would become of you, my boy?"

IRREVERENT SON--"I'd stay here. The question is, What would become of
you?"

"Look here, now, Har