"ceptin' 't is dat chickens is
chickens and niggers is niggers."

GRANDMA--"Johnny, I have discovered that you have taken more maple-sugar
than I gave you."

JOHNNY--"Yes, Grandma, I've been making believe there was another little
boy spending the day with me."

Mr. X was a prominent member of the B.P.O.E. At the breakfast table the
other morning he was relating to his wife an incident that occurred at
the lodge the previous night. The president of the order offered a silk
hat to the brother who could stand up and truthfully say that during his
married life he had never kissed any woman but his own wife. "And, would
you believe it, Mary?--not a one stood up." "George," his wife said,
"why didn't you stand up?" "Well," he replied, "I was going to, but I
know I look like hell in a silk hat."

And oftentimes excusing of a fault
Doth make the fault the worse by the excuse,
As patches set upon a little breach,
Discredit more in hiding of the fault
Than did the fault before it was so patched.

--_Shakespeare_.

EXPOSURE

TRAMP--"Lady, I'm dying from exposure."

WOMAN--"Are you a tramp, politician or financier?"--_Judge_.

EXTORTION

_See_ Dressmakers.

EXTRAVAGANCE

There was a young girl named O'Neill,
Who went up in the great Ferris wheel;
But when half way around
She looked at the ground,
And it cost her an eighty-cent meal.

Everybody knew that John Polkinhorn was the carelessest man in town, but
nobody ever thought he was careless enough to marry Susan Rankin,
seeing that he had known her for years. For awhile they got along fairly
well but one day after five years of it John hung himself in the attic,
where Susan used to dry the wash on rainy days, and a carpenter, who
went up to the roof to do some repairs, found him there. He told Susan,
and Susan hurried up to see about it, and, sure enough, the carpenter
was right. She stood looking at her late husband for about a
minute--kind of dazed, the carpenter thought--then she spoke.

"Well, I declare!" she exclaimed. "If he hasn't used my new
clothes-line, and the old would have done every bit as well! But, of
course, that's just like John Polkinhorn."

"The editor of my paper," declared the newspaper business manager to a
little coterie of friends, "is a peculiar genius. Why, would you believe
it, when he draws his weekly salary he keeps out only one dollar for
spending money and sends the re