dren have you, Mrs. O'Flarity?" he asked.

"Siven in all," she replied. "Four by the third wife of me second
husband; three by the second wife of me furst."

A man descended from an excursion train and was wearily making his way
to the street-car, followed by his wife and fourteen children, when a
policeman touched him on the shoulder and said:

"Come along wid me."

"What for?"

"Blamed if I know; but when ye're locked up I'll go back and find out
why that crowd was following ye."

FAREWELLS

Happy are we met, Happy have we been,
Happy may we part, and Happy meet again.

A dear old citizen went to the cars the other day to see his daughter
off on a journey. Securing her a seat he passed out of the car and went
around to the car window to say a last parting word. While he was
leaving the car the daughter crossed the aisle to speak to a friend, and
at the same time a grim old maid took the seat and moved up to the
window.

Unaware of the change the old gentleman hurriedly put his head up to the
window and said: "One more kiss, pet."

In another instant the point of a cotton umbrella was thrust from the
window, followed by the wrathful injunction: "Scat, you gray-headed
wretch!"

"I am going to make my farewell tour in Shakespeare. What shall be the
play? Hamlet? Macbeth?"

"This is your sixth farewell tour, I believe."

"Well, yes."

"I would suggest 'Much Adieu About Nothing'."

"Farewell!"
For in that word--that fatal word--howe'er
We promise--hope--believe--there breathes despair.

--_Byron_.

FASHION

There are two kinds of women: The fashionable ones and those who are
comfortable.--_Tom P. Morgan_.

There had been a dressmaker in the house and Minnie had listened to long
discussions about the very latest fashions. That night when she said her
prayers, she added a new petition, uttered with unwonted fervency:

"And, dear Lord, please make us all very stylish."

Nothing is thought rare
Which is not new, and follow'd; yet we know
That what was worn some twenty years ago
Comes into grace again.

--_Beaumont and Fletcher_.

As good be out of the World as out of the Fashion.--_Colley Cibber_.

FATE

Fate hit me very hard one day.
I cried: "What is my fault?
What have I done? What causes, pray,
This unprovoked assault?"
She paused, then said: "Darned if I know;
I really can't explain."
Then just before she tur