twenty-five dollars, likely he'd have
only paid me nineteen. And if I charge him twelve dollars, he may not
pay me but nine. So I thought it over, and decided to paint it for
twelve dollars, so I wouldn't lose so much."

FINGER-BOWLS

MISTRESS (to new servant)--"Why, Bridget, this is the third time I've
had to tell you about the finger-bowls. Didn't the lady you last worked
for have them on the table?"

BRIDGET--"No, mum; her friends always washed their hands before they
came."

FIRE DEPARTMENTS

Clang, clatter, bang! Down the street came the fire engines.

Driving along ahead, oblivious of any danger, was a farmer in a
ramshackle old buggy. A policeman yelled at him: "Hi there, look out!
The fire department's coming."

Turning in by the curb the farmer watched the hose cart, salvage wagon
and engine whiz past. Then he turned out into the street again and drove
on. Barely had he started when the hook and ladder came tearing along.
The rear wheel of the big truck slewed into the farmer's buggy, smashing
it to smithereens and sending the farmer sprawling into the gutter. The
policeman ran to his assistance.

"Didn't I tell ye to keep out of the way?" he demanded crossly. "Didn't
I tell ye the fire department was comin"?"

"Wall, consarn ye," said the peeved farmer, "I _did_ git outer the way
for th' fire department. But what in tarnation was them drunken painters
in sech an all-fired hurry fer?"

Two Irishmen fresh from Ireland had just landed in New York and engaged
a room in the top story of a hotel. Mike, being very sleepy, threw
himself on the bed and was soon fast asleep. The sights were so new and
strange to Pat that he sat at the window looking out. Soon an alarm of
fire was rung in and a fire-engine rushed by throwing up sparks of fire
and clouds of smoke. This greatly excited Pat, who called to his comrade
to get up and come to the window, but Mike was fast asleep. Another
engine soon followed the first, spouting smoke and fire like the former.
This was too much for poor Pat, who rushed excitedly to the bedside, and
shaking his friend called loudly:

"Mike, Mike, wake up! They are moving Hell, and two loads have gone by
already."

FIRE ESCAPES

Fire escape: A steel stairway on the exterior of a building, erected
after a FIRE to ESCAPE the law.

FIRES

"Ikey, I hear you had a fire last Thursday."

"Sh! Next Thursday."

FIRST AID IN ILLNESS AND INJURY