f you'll wait for me I'll
go with you."

"All right, sir," sniffed Willie as he returned to his desk and waited
patiently.

And, lo and behold, poor little Willie had told the truth, and when he
and Wiggins started out together the latter not only lost one of the
best games of the season, but had to attend the obsequies of an old lady
in whom he had no interest whatever as well.

CHIEF CLERK (to office boy)--"Why on earth don't you laugh when the boss
tells a joke?"

OFFICE BOY--"I don't have to; I quit on Saturday."--_Satire_.

James J. Hill, the Railway King, told the following amusing incident
that happened on one of his roads:

"One of our division superintendents had received numerous complaints
that freight trains were in the habit of stopping on a grade crossing in
a certain small town, thereby blocking travel for long periods. He
issued orders, but still the complaints came in. Finally he decided to
investigate personally.

"A short man in size and very excitable, he went down to the crossing,
and, sure enough, there stood, in defiance of his orders, a long freight
train, anchored squarely across it. A brakeman who didn't know him by
sight sat complacently on the top of the car.

"'Move that train on!' sputtered the little 'super.' 'Get it off the
crossing so people can pass. Move on, I say!'

"The brakeman surveyed the tempestuous little man from head to foot.
'You go to the deuce, you little shrimp,' he replied. 'You're small
enough to crawl under.'"

ENEMIES

An old man who had led a sinful life was dying, and his wife sent for a
near-by preacher to pray with him.

The preacher spent some time praying and talking, and finally the old
man said: "What do you want me to do, Parson?"

"Renounce the Devil, renounce the Devil," replied the preacher.

"Well, but, Parson," protested the dying man, "I ain't in position to
make any enemies."

It is better to decide a difference between enemies than friends, for
one of our friends will certainly become an enemy and one of our enemies
a friend.--_Bias_.

The world is large when its weary leagues
two loving hearts divide;
But the world is small when your enemy is
loose on the other side.

--_John Boyle O'Reilly_.

ENGLAND

_See_ Great Britain.

ENGLISH LANGUAGE

A popular hotel in Rome has a sign in the elevator reading: "Please do
not touch the Lift at your own risk."

The class at Heidelber