n I was your
age I only got two dollars."

"Oh, well, that's different," piped the youngster. "I guess you weren't
worth any more."

Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's to the man who's as smart as can be--
I mean the man who agrees with me.

ELECTIONS

In St. Louis there is one ward that is full of breweries and Germans. In
a recent election a local option question was up.

After the election some Germans were counting the votes. One German was
calling off and another taking down the option votes. The first German,
running rapidly through the ballots, said: "Vet, vet, vet, vet,..."
Suddenly he stopped. "_Mein Gott_!" he cried: "_Dry_!"

Then he went on--"Vet, vet, vet, vet,..."

Presently he stopped again and mopped his brow. "_Himmel_!" he said.
"Der son of a gun repeated!"

WILLIS--"What's the election today for? Anybody happen to know?"

GILLIS--"It is to determine whether we shall have a convention to
nominate delegates who will be voted on as to whether they will attend a
caucus which will decide whether we shall have a primary to determine
whether the people want to vote on this same question again next
year."--_Puck_.

One year, when the youngsters of a certain Illinois village met for the
purpose of electing a captain of their baseball team for the coming
season, it appeared that there were an excessive number of candidates
for the post, with more than the usual wrangling.

Youngster after youngster presented his qualifications for the post; and
the matter was still undecided when the son of the owner of the
ball-field stood up. He was a small, snub-nosed lad, with a plentiful
supply of freckles, but he glanced about him with a dignified air of
controlling the situation.

"I'm going to be captain this year," he announced convincingly, "or else
Father's old bull is going to be turned into the field."

He was elected unanimously.--_Fenimore Martin_.

I consider biennial elections as a security that the sober second
thought of the people shall be law.--_Fisher Ames_.

ELECTRICITY

In school a boy was asked this question in physics: "What is the
difference between lightning and electricity?"

And he answered: "Well, you don't have to pay for lightning."

EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS

A young gentleman was spending the week-end at little Willie's cottage
at Atlantic City, and on Sunday evening afte