in a _darkened room_. The Englishman, unwilling to take his
antagonist's life, generously fired up the chimney, and--_brought down
the Frenchman_. "When I tell this story in France," pleasantly added the
relator, "I make the _Englishman_ go up the chimney."

MCXXXIV.--A PERFECT BORE.

SOME ONE being asked if a certain authoress, whom he had long known, was
not "a _little_ tiresome?"--"Not at all," said he, "she was _perfectly_
tiresome."

MCXXXV.--TOO CIVIL BY HALF.

AN Irish judge had a habit of begging pardon on every occasion. At the
close of the assize, as he was about to leave the bench, the officer of
the Court reminded him that he had not passed sentence of death on one
of the criminals, as he had intended. "Dear me!" said his lordship, "_I
really beg his pardon_,--bring him in."

MCXXXVI.--"OUR LANDLADY."

A LANDLADY, who exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar fluid gin,
would order her servant to get the supplies after the following fashion:
"Betty, go and get a quartern loaf, and half a quartern of gin." Off
started Betty. She was speedily recalled: "Betty, make it _half_ a
quartern _loaf_, and a quartern of gin." But Betty had never fairly got
across the threshold on the mission ere the voice was again heard:
"Betty, on second thoughts, you may as well make it _all gin_."

MCXXXVII.--THE CHURCH IN THE WAY.

DR. JOHNSON censured Gwyn, the architect, for taking down a church,
which might have stood for many years, and building a new one in a more
convenient place, for no other reason but that there might be a direct
road to a new bridge. "You are taking," said the doctor, "a church out
of the way, that the people may go in a straight line to the
bridge."--"No, sir," replied Gwyn: "I am putting the church _in_ the
way, that the people may not _go out of the way_."

MCXXXVIII.--SAVING TIME.

A CANDIDATE at an election, who wanted eloquence, when another had, in a
long and brilliant speech, promised great things, got up and said,
"Electors of G----, all that he has _said_ I will _do_."

MCXXXIX.--THE YOUNG IDEA.

SCHOOLMISTRESS (pointing to the first letter of the alphabet): "Come,
now, what is that?" Scholar: "I sha'n't tell you." Schoolmistress: "You
won't! But you must. Come, now, what is it?" Scholar: "I sha'n't tell
you. I didn't come here to _teach you_,--but for you to _teach me_."

MCXL.--EPIGRAM.

TWO Harveys