t _one_ head; if she had _two_, one
should have been at his service."

MCCLXXX.--MELODRAMATIC HIT.

BURKE'S was a complete failure, when he flung the dagger on the floor of
the House of Commons, and produced nothing but a smothered laugh, and a
joke from Sheridan.--"The gentleman has brought us the _knife_, but
where is the _fork_?"

MCCLXXXI.--A LONG ILLNESS.

A CLERGYMAN in the country taking his text from the fourteenth verse of
the third chapter of St. Matthew: "And Peter's wife's mother lay sick of
a fever," preached three Sundays on the same subject. Soon after, two
country fellows going across a churchyard, and hearing the bell toll,
one asked the other who it was for? "I can't exactly tell," replied he;
"but it may be for Peter's wife's mother, for she has been sick of a
fever _these three weeks_."

MCCLXXXII.--DIALOGUE IN THE WESTERN ISLANDS OF SCOTLAND.

"HOW long is this loch?"

"It will be about twanty mile."

"Twenty miles! surely it cannot be so much?"

"Maybe it will be twelve."

"It does not really seem more than four."

"Indeed, I'm thinking you're right."

"Really, you seem to know nothing about the matter."

"Troth, I _canna say I do_."

MCCLXXXIII.--WHAT'S IN A NAME?

SOON after Lord ----'s elevation to the peerage, he remarked that authors
were often very ridiculous in the _titles_ they gave. "That," said a
distinguished writer present, "is an error from which even sovereigns
appear _not to be exempt_."

MCCLXXXIV.--TILLOTSON.

WHO was then Archbishop of Canterbury, on King William's complaining of
the shortness of his sermon, answered, "Sire, could I have bestowed more
time upon it, it would not have been _so long_!"

MCCLXXXV.--IMPORTANT TO BACHELORS.

SOME clever fellow has invented a new kind of ink, called "the
love-letter ink." It is a sure preventive against all cases of "breach
of promise," as the ink _fades away_, and leaves the sheet blank, in
about four weeks after being written upon.

MCCLXXXVI.--CHIN-SURVEYING.

A PERSON not far from Torrington, Devon, whose face is somewhat above
the ordinary dimensions, has been waited on and shaved by a certain
barber every day for twenty-one years, without coming to any regular
settlement; the tradesman, thinking it time to wind up the account,
carried in his bill, charging one penny per day, which amounted to
31l. 9s. 2d. The gentleman, thinking this r