stion, "Now, Charles, what would _you_ do to
anybody who treated you in such a manner?"--"Do?" exclaimed Mathews, "if
any man meddled with _my_ tongue, I'd _lick_ him!"

MDLXX.--NOT ROOM FOR A NEIGHBOR.

A LANDED proprietor in the small county of Rutland became very intimate
with the Duke of Argyle, to whom, in the plenitude of his friendship, he
said: "How I wish your estate were in my county!" Upon which the duke
replied: "I'm thinking, if it were, there would be _no room for
yours_."

MDLXXI.--AN UNEXPECTED CANNONADE.

AT one of the annual dinners of the members of the Chapel Royal, a
gentleman had been plaguing Edward Cannon with a somewhat dry
disquisition on the noble art of fencing. Cannon for some time endured
it with patience; but at length, on the man remarking that Sir George
D---- was a great fencer, Cannon, who disliked him, replied, "I don't
know, sir, whether Sir George is a great fencer, but Sir George is a
great fool!" A little startled, the other rejoined, "Possibly he is; but
then, you know, a man may be both."--"_So I see, sir_," said Cannon,
turning away.

MDLXXII.--ON BUTLER'S MONUMENT.

WHILE Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive,
No generous patron would a dinner give.
See him, when starved to death and turned to dust,
Presented with a monumental bust.
The poet's fate is here in emblem shown,--
He asked for bread, and he received a stone.

MDLXXIII.--A WORD IN SEASON.

MRS. POWELL the actress was at a court of assize when a young barrister,
who rose to make his maiden speech, suddenly stopped short and could not
proceed. The lady, feeling for his situation, cried out, as though he
had been a young actor on his first appearance, "Somebody _give him the
word_,--somebody give him the word!"

MDLXXIV.--"GETTING THE WORST OF IT."

PORSON was once disputing with an acquaintance, who, getting the worst of
it, said, "Professor, _my opinion_ of you is most contemptible."--"Sir,"
returned the great Grecian, "I never knew an _opinion_ of yours that was
_not contemptible_."

MDLXXV.--A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION.

ONE of the curiosities some time since shown at a public exhibition,
professed to be a skull of Oliver Cromwell. A gentleman present
observed that it could not be Cromwell's, as he had a very large head,
and this was a small skull. "O, I know all that," said the exhibitor,
undisturbed, "but you see this