he had sung; and concluded with the following very complimentary
and pleasant message: "When you see poor Bartleman, give my best regards
_to him_; and tell him how much we _missed him_ during the festival!"

MDCLXXXVII.--EXISTENCE OF MATTER.

AS Berkeley, the celebrated author of the Immaterial Theory, was one
morning musing in the cloisters of Dublin College, an acquaintance came
up to him, and, seeing him rapt in contemplation, hit him a smart rap on
the shoulder with his cane. The dean starting, called out, "_What's the
matter_?" His acquaintance, looking him steadily in the face, replied,
"_No matter, Berkeley_."

MDCLXXXVIII.--A SAUCY ANSWER.

A BARRISTER attempting to browbeat a female witness, told her she had
_brass_ enough to make a saucepan. The woman retorted, "and you have
_sauce_ enough to fill it."

MDCLXXXIX.--QUAINT EPITAPH.

DR. FULLER having requested one of his companions to make an epitaph for
him, received the following:

"_Here lies Fuller's earth_!"

MDCXC.--AN INHOSPITABLE IRISHMAN.

SIR BOYLE ROACH, the droll of the Irish bar, sent an amusingly equivocal
invitation to an Irish nobleman of his acquaintance: "I hope, my Lord,
if ever you come within a mile of my house, that you'll _stay there all
night_." When he was suffering from an attack of gout, he thus rebuked
his shoemaker: "O, you're a precious blockhead to do directly the
reverse of what I desired you. I told you to make one of the shoes
_larger_ than the other, and instead of that you have made one of them
_smaller_ than the other!"

MDCXCI.--GOOD ENOUGH FOR A PIG.

AN IRISH peasant being asked why he permitted his pig to take up its
quarters with his family, made an answer abounding with satirical
_naivete_: "Why not? Doesn't the place afford every convenience that _a
pig can require_?"

MDCXCII.--FARCICAL.

IN Bannister's time, a farce was performed under the title of "Fire and
Water."--"I predict its fate," said he. "What fate?" whispered the
anxious author at his side. "What fate!" said Bannister; "why, what can
fire and water produce but a _hiss_?"

MDCXCIII.--TOO MUCH AT ONCE.

LORD CHESTERFIELD one day, at an inn where he dined, complained very
much that the plates and dishes were very dirty. The waiter, with a
degree of pertness, observed, "It is said every one must _eat a peck of
dirt_ before he dies."--"That may be true," said Chesterf