the Bishop of
W----r has got a sore throat, arising from a bad cold, _if that will
do_."

MDCLXXXI.--COMPLIMENTARY.

A GENTLEMAN dining at an hotel, was annoyed by a stupid waiter
continually coming hovering round the table, and desired him to retire.
"Excuse me, sir," said Napkin, drawing himself up, "but I'm
_responsible_ for the silver."

MDCLXXXII.--DR. DONNE.

DR. DONNE, the Dean of St. Paul's, having married a lady of a rich and
noble family without the consent of the parents, was treated with great
asperity. Having been told by the father that he was to expect no money
from him, the doctor went home and wrote the following note to him:
"John Donne, Anne Donne, _undone_." This quibble had the desired effect,
and the distressed couple were restored to favor.

MDCLXXXIII.--VULGARITY.

SIR WALTER SCOTT once happening to hear his daughter Anne say of
something, that it was _vulgar_, gave the young lady the following
temperate rebuke: "My love, you speak like a very young lady; do you
know, after all, the meaning of this word _vulgar_? 'Tis only _common_;
nothing that is common, except wickedness, can deserve to be spoken of
in a tone of contempt; and when you have lived to my years, you will be
disposed to agree with me in thanking God that nothing really worth
having or caring about in this world is _uncommon_."

MDCLXXXIV.--AN EXPENSIVE JOB.

A GENTLEMAN passing a country church while under repair, observed to
one of the workmen, that he thought it would be an expensive job. "Why,
yes," replied he; "but in my opinion we shall accomplish what our
reverend divine has endeavored to do, for the last thirty years, in
vain."--"What is that?" said the gentleman. "Why, bring all the parish
_to repentance_."

MDCLXXXV.--PROSINESS.

A PROSY old gentleman meeting Jerrold, related a long, limp account of a
stupid practical joke, concluding with the information that "he really
thought he should have _died_ with laughter."--"I wish to heaven you
had," was Jerrold's reply.

MDCLXXXVI.--A PLEASANT MESSAGE.

MR. BARTLEMAN, a celebrated bass-singer, was taken ill, just before the
commencement of the musical festival at Gloucester: another basso was
applied to, at a short notice, who attended, and acquitted himself to
the satisfaction of everybody. When he called on the organist to be
paid, the latter thanked him most cordially for the noble manner in
which