.--A DEAR SPEAKER.

SOON after the Irish members were admitted into the House of Commons, on
the union of the kingdom in 1801, one of them, in the middle of his
maiden speech, thus addressed the chair: "And now, _my dear_ Mr.
Speaker," etc. This excited loud laughter. As soon as the mirth had
subsided, Mr. Sheridan observed, "that the honorable member was
perfectly in order; for, thanks to the ministers, now-a-days _everything
is dear_."

MCDLXIX.--ABSURDLY LOGICAL.

A MAD Quaker (wrote Sydney Smith) belongs to a small and rich sect; and
is, therefore, of _greater_ importance than any other _mad person_ of
the same degree in life.

MCDLXX.--PROOF POSITIVE.

A CHEMIST asserted that all bitter things were hot. "No," said a
gentleman present, "there is a _bitter_ cold day."

MCDLXXI.--PLAYER, OR LORD.

ONE day, at a party in Bath, Quin said something which caused a general
murmur of delighted merriment. A nobleman present, who was not
distinguished for the brilliancy of his ideas, exclaimed: "What a pity
'tis, Quin, my boy, that a clever fellow like you should _be a player_!"
Quin, fixing and flashing his eyes upon the speaker, replied: "Why! what
would your lordship have me be?--a lord?"

MCDLXXII.--IN MEMORIAM.

SOYER is gone! Then be it said,
At last, indeed, great PAN is dead.

MCDLXXIII.--PRIME'S PRESERVATIVE.

SERGEANT PRIME had a remarkably long nose, and being one day out riding,
was flung from his horse, and fell upon his face in the middle of the
road. A countryman, who saw the occurrence, ran hastily up, raised the
sergeant from the mire, and asked him if he was much hurt. The sergeant
replied in the negative. "I zee, zur," said the rustic, grinning, "yer
_ploughshare_ saved ye!"

MCDLXXIV.--A SHARP BRUSH.

SHERIDAN was down at Brighton one summer, when Fox, the manager,
desirous of showing him some civility, took him all over the theatre,
and, exhibited its beauties. "There, Mr. Sheridan," said Fox, who
combined twenty occupations, without being clever in any, "I built and
painted all these boxes, and I painted all these scenes."--"Did you?"
said Sheridan, surveying them rapidly; "well, I should not, I am sure,
have known you were a Fox by your _brush_."

MCDLXXV.--NOT SO "DAFT" AS REPUTED.

THERE was a certain "Daft Will," who was a privileged haunter of
Eglington Castle and grounds. He was discovered by the noble