sted and
drank, making no remark upon it. The owner, disgusted at his guest's
want of appreciation, next offered some strong but inferior wine, which
the guest had no sooner tasted than he exclaimed that it was excellent
wine. "But you said nothing of _the first_" remarked his host "O,"
replied the other, "the first required nothing being said of it. _It
spoke for itself._ I thought the second wanted a _trumpeter_."

MDXXXIV.--JUSTICE MIDAS.

A JUDGE, joking a young barrister, said, "If you and I were turned into
a horse and an ass, which would you prefer to be?"--"The ass, to be
sure," replied the barrister. "I've heard of an ass being made a judge,
but a horse never."

MDXXXV.--A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE.

AT an hotel at Brighton, Douglas Jerrold was dining with two friends,
one of whom, after dinner, ordered "a bottle of _old_ port."--"Waiter,"
added Jerrold, with a significant twinkle of his eye, "mind now; a
bottle of your _old_ port, not your _elder_ port."

MDXXXVI.--LAW AND PHYSIC.

WHEN Dr. H. and Sergeant A. were walking arm-in-arm, a wag said to a
friend, "These two are just equal to one highwayman."--"Why?" was the
response. "Because it is a lawyer and a doctor--_your money or your
life_."

MDXXXVII.--EUCLID REFUTED.

"A PART," says Euclid, "one at once may see,
Unto the whole can never equal be";
Yet W----'s speeches can this fact control,
Of them a part is equal to the whole.

MDXXXVIII.--KEEPING IT TO HIMSELF.

BURKE once mentioned to Fox that he had written a tragedy. "Did you let
Garrick see it?" inquired his friend: "No," replied Burke; "though I had
the folly to _write_ it, I had the wit to keep it _to myself_."

MDXXXIX.--CLASSICAL WIT.

DR. MAGINN dining with a friend on ham and chicken, addressed Sukey
Boyle, his friend's housekeeper, thus: "You know, Boyle, what old Ovid,
in his 'Art of Love' (book iii.), says; I give you the same wish:--

"'Semper tibi _pendeat hamus_,'

May you always have a _ham_ hanging in your kitchen." The doctor
insisted that tea was well known to the Romans, "for," said he, "even in
the time of Plautus it was a favorite beverage with the ladies,--

"'Amant _te_ omnes mulieres.'"
_Miles Glor._, Act i., sc. i., v. 58.

Observing Sukey Boyle, he said to his friend, "Ah! John, I see you
follow the old advice we both learned at school, [Greek: Charizou te