.

CURRAN having one day a violent argument with a country schoolmaster on
some classical subject, the pedagogue, who had the worst of it, said, in
a towering passion, that he would lose no more time, and must go back to
his scholars. "Do, my dear doctor," said Curran, "_but don't indorse my
sins upon their backs_."

MCDXCIX.--A PLUMPER.

A YOUNG gentleman, with a bad voice, preached a probation sermon for a
very good lectureship in the city. A friend, when he came out of the
pulpit, wished him joy, and said, "He would certainly carry the
election, _for he had nobody's voice against him but his own_."

MD.--A PAINFUL EXAMINATION.

IN the course of an examination for the degree of B.A. in the Senate
House, Cambridge, under an examiner whose name was Payne, one of the
questions was, "Give a definition of happiness." To which a candidate
returned the following laconic answer: "An _exemption_ from _Payne_."

MDI.--BUSINESS AND PLEASURE.

A QUAKER (says Hood) makes a pleasure of his business, and then, for
relaxation, makes a _business_ of his _pleasure_.

MDII.--INFORMATION EASILY ACQUIRED.

A FRIEND, crossing Putney Bridge with Theodore Hook, observed that he
had been informed that it was a very good investment, and inquired "if
such were the case?"--"I don't know," was the answer; "but you ought, as
you have just been _tolled_."

MDIII.--A WALKING STICK.

AN old gentleman accused his servant of having stolen his stick. The man
protested perfect innocence. "Why, you know," rejoined his master, "that
the stick could never have walked off with itself."--"Certainly not,
sir, unless it was a _walking-stick_."

MDIV.--CHARITY AND INCONVENIENCE.

IT is objected, and we admit often with truth, that the wealthy are
ready to bestow their money, but not to endure personal inconvenience.
The following anecdote is told in illustration: A late nobleman was
walking in St. James's Street, in a hard frost, when he met an agent,
who began to importune his Grace in behalf of some charity which had
enjoyed his support. "Put me down for what you please," peevishly
exclaimed the Duke; "but don't _keep me in the cold_."

MDV.--A REASON FOR BELIEF.

"DO you believe in the apostolical succession?" inquired one of Sydney
Smith. "I do," he replied: "and my faith in that dogma dates from the
moment I became acquainted with the Bishop of ----, _who is so like
Jud