every desperado that may be tired of
his life; but, as I am at present High Sheriff of the city of London, it
may happen that I shall shortly have an opportunity of attending you in
my official capacity, in which case I will answer for it that _you shall
have no ground_ to complain of my endeavors to serve you."

MCCC.--A LITERARY RENDERING.

A SCOTCH lady gave her servant very particular instructions regarding
visitors, explaining, that they were to be shown into the drawing-room,
and no doubt used the Scotticism, "_Carry_ any ladies that call up
stairs." On the arrival of the first visitors, Donald was eager to show
his strict attention to the mistress's orders. Two ladies came together,
and Donald, seizing one in his arms, said to the other, "Bide ye there
till _I come for ye_," and, in spite of her struggles and remonstrances,
ushered the terrified visitor into his mistress's presence in this
unwonted fashion.

MCCCI.--TEMPERANCE CRUETS.

THE late James Smith might often be seen at the Garrick Club,
restricting himself at dinner to a half-pint of sherry; whence he was
designated an incorporated temperance society. The late Sir William
Aylett, a grumbling member of the Union, and a two-bottle-man,
observing Mr. Smith to be thus frugally furnished, eyed his cruet with
contempt, and exclaimed: "So I see you have got one of those
_life-preservers_!"

MCCCII.--DR GLYNN'S RECEIPT FOR DRESSING A CUCUMBER.

DR. GLYNN, whose name is still remembered in Cambridge, being one day in
attendance on a lady, in the quality of her physician, took the liberty
of lecturing her on the impropriety of eating _cucumber_, of which she
was immoderately fond, and gave her the following humorous receipt for
dressing them: "Peel the cucumber," said the doctor, "with great care;
then cut it into very thin slices, pepper and salt it well, and
then--_throw it away_."

MCCCIII.--"WHAT'S A HAT WITHOUT A HEAD?"

CAPTAIN INNES of the Guards (usually called Jock Innes by his
contemporaries) was with others getting ready for Flushing, or some of
those expeditions at the beginning of the great war. His commanding
officer remonstrated about the badness of his hat, and recommended a new
one. "Na! na! bide a wee," said Jock; "whare we're ga'in', faith
there'll soon be mair _hats_ nor _heads_."

MCCCIV.--SEVERE REBUKE.

SIR WILLIAM B. being at a parish meeting, made some proposals which were
obj