said, to console himself for his
deafness, with his usual humor, "When I go into a company where I find a
great number of blockheads and babblers, I replace my trumpet in my
pocket, and cry, 'Now, gentlemen, _I defy_ you all.'"

MCCCXVIII.--ANSWERED AT ONCE.

A SCOTCH clergyman preaching a drowsy sermon, asked, "What is _the
price_ of earthly pleasure?" The deacon, a fat grocer, woke up hastily
from a sound sleep, and cried out, lustily, "Seven-and-sixpence a
dozen!"

MCCCXIX.--A DEADLY WEAPON.

"WELL, sir," asked a noisy disputant, "don't you think that I have
_mauled_ my antagonist to some purpose?"--"O yes," replied a listener,
"you have,--and if ever I should happen to fight with the Philistines,
I'll borrow _your jaw-bone_!"

MCCCXX.--EQUALITY OF THE LAW.

THE following cannot be omitted from a _Jest Book_, although somewhat
lengthy:--

A man was convicted of bigamy, and the annexed conversation took
place.--Clerk of Assize: "What have you to say why judgment should not
be passed upon you according to law?" Prisoner: "Well, my Lord, my wife
took up with a hawker, and run away five years ago, and I've never seen
her since, and I married this other woman last winter." Mr. Justice
Maule: "I will tell you what you ought to have done; and if you say you
did not know, I must tell you the law conclusively presumes that you
did. You ought to have instructed your attorney to bring an action
against the hawker for criminal conversation with your wife. That would
have cost you about L100. When you had recovered substantial damages
against the hawker, you would have instructed your proctor to sue in the
Ecclesiastical Courts for a divorce _a mensa atque thoro_. That would
have cost you L200 or L300 more. When you had obtained a divorce _a
mensa atque thoro_, you would have had to appear by counsel before the
House of Lords for a divorce _a vinculo matrimonii_. The bill might have
been opposed in all its stages in both Houses of Parliament; and
altogether you would have had to spend about L1000 or L1200. You will
probably tell me that you never had a thousand farthings of your own in
the world; but, prisoner, that makes no difference. Sitting here as a
British judge, it is my duty to tell you that _this is not a country in
which there is one law for the rich and another for the poor_."

MCCCXXI.--OPEN CONFESSION.

IN a cause tried in the Court of Queen's Bench, the plaintiff b