e your father died?"--"Very comfortably
in a bed."--"And your forefathers?"--"In the same manner,--very quietly
in their beds."--"Ah! master," replied the sailor, "how, then, dare you
_go to bed_, since all your ancestors died in it?"

MCLV.--A GOOD WIFE.

A VERY excellent lady was desired by another to teach her what secrets
she had to preserve her husband's favor. "It is," replied she, "by doing
all that _pleases_ him, and by enduring patiently all that _displeases_
me."

MCLVI.--WELLINGTON SURPRISED.

A NOBLEMAN ventured, in a moment of conviviality at his grace's table,
to put this question to him: "Allow me to ask, as we are all here
titled, if you were not SURPRISED at Waterloo?" To which the duke
responded, "No; but I am NOW."

MCLVII.--TOO CLEVER.

A COUNTRY boy endeavored, to the utmost of his power, to make himself
useful, and avoid being frequently told of many trifling things, as
country lads generally are. His master having sent him down stairs for
two bottles of wine, he said to him, "Well, John, have you _shook
them_?"--"No, sir; but I will," he replied, suiting the action to the
word.

MCLVIII.--A LIGHT JOKE.

AN eminent tallow-chandler was told that after his candles were burned
down to the middle, not one of them would burn any longer. He was at
first greatly enraged at what he deemed a gross falsehood; but the same
evening he tried the experiment at home, and found it to be a fact,
"that when burned to the middle, neither candle would burn _any
longer_."

MCLIX.--A REBUKE.

A BRAGGART, whose face had been mauled in a pot-house brawl, asserted
that he had received his scars in battle. "Then," said an old soldier,
"be careful the next time you run away, and don't _look back_."

MCLX.--A MODEL PHILANTHROPIST.

"BOBBY, what does your father do for a living?"--"He's a
_philanthropist_, sir."--"A what?"--"A phi-lan-thro-pist, sir,--he
collects money for Central America, and _builds houses_ out of the
proceeds."

MCLXI.--GREAT CABBAGE.

A FOREIGNER asked an English tailor how much cloth was necessary for a
suit of clothes. He replied, _twelve_ yards. Astonished at the quantity,
he went to another, who said _seven_ would be quite sufficient. Not
thinking of the exorbitancy even of this demand, all his rage was
against the first tailor: so to him he went. "How did you dare, sir, ask
twelve yards of cloth, to make me what