lk nonsense." "I know you love to hear yourself talk as
well as any man."

A gentleman made some purchases upon trust in a shop, promising the
proprietor that he would owe him so much money. The proprietor was
for a time content, but when he sought to collect the payment, the
gentleman told him that he had not promised to pay him, but had
promised to owe him so much money, and that he would not break his
promise, as he would have to if he paid the debt.

"What are Shakespeare's works worth, all bound together?" "Not a
farthing." "Not worth a farthing? How so?" "His plays are worth a
great deal of money, but I never heard that his works are worth
anything at all."

A man met his friend riding without boots, and asked him about what
business he went. The friend replied that it was a matter of great
importance, and that he was in great haste. The man said, "I am
afraid that your labor is lost." "Why?" inquired the rider.
"Because," was the reply, "you ride of a bootless errand."

Which of the letters of the alphabet are the most authentic on a bill
or bond? I O U.

Why do not men and their wives agree better nowadays? Because men are
now more learned, and know that "it is false concord that the
masculine and feminine gender should agree at all."

A man had the pictures of the five senses stolen from his house, and
came to a justice, desiring that the thieves might be bound to the
peace. "For what?" asked the justice. "For stealing your pictures?"
"Yes," replied the man. "I thought," said the justice, "that you had
lost your senses, that you talk so idly."

One in the midst of a crowd of people on the top of the steeple of
St. Paul's Church, London, had his pocket picked. "What villains are
these," he exclaimed, "to pick a man's pocket in church!" "Nay, sir,"
said another, "you are but robbed upon the highway."

A scholar was fond of sitting in a study hung around with brown
paper, because, he would say, he did sometimes love to sit in a brown
study.

"Why are there drums in the wars?" "To stir up the valor of the
soldiers." "Strange, for wheresoever the victory falls, the drums are
sure to be beaten."

Why does B stand before C? Because a man must B before he can C.

How long is the longest letter in the English alphabet? An L long.

Two men, of whom one was a goldsmith, conspired together to steal a
silver bowl. When they had procured it, the goldsmith gilded it over
that it might not be known. They were a