r he never
says anything that he can stand to.

"Horse-keepers and ostlers (let the world go which way it will,
though there be never so much alteration in times and persons) are
still stable men."

A hypocrite is odious to God, to man, and to the devil. God hates
him, because he is not what he seems; man hates him, because he seems
what he is not; and the devil hates him, because he seems not what he
truly is.

Stage players are the most philosophical of men, because they are as
content in rags as in robes.

"Roaring gallants" are like peddlers,--they carry their whole estate
upon their backs.

An oculist is an excellent sleight-of-hand performer; because if he
undertakes to cure a blind man, he will so do it that the patient
shall see he does it.

He that buys a horse in Smithfield and does not look upon him before
he buy him, with a pair of spectacles, makes his horse and himself a
pair of sorrowful spectacles for others to look on.

Cobblers must be good men because they set men upright, and are
always employed in mending soles.

A wild young gentleman desired to sell his land, and was asked the
reason, to which he answered that he hoped to go to heaven, but could
not possibly do so until he had forsaken earth.

A drunkard, returning home at night, found his wife hard at her
spinning. She reproved him for his ill husbandry, and commended
herself for her good housewifery. He replied that she had no great
cause to chide, for, as she had been spinning, he came all the way
home reeling.

An ignorant drunken surgeon, who killed all patients that came under
his hands, boasted that he was a better man than the parson; "For,"
he said, "your cure maintains but yourself, but my cures maintain all
the sextons in the town."

A man by the name of Stone fell off his horse into deep water, from
which he struggled, but not without some danger. His companion
laughed, and when rebuked, replied that any man would laugh to see a
stone swim.

One who had received a threat that another would break his head with
a stone, replied, "It is a hard matter to break my head with a
stone."

A physician sought to collect a bill due for service to a patient who
had died. He was told that it was a work of charity to visit the
sick, but if he wanted money so badly the only way was for him to
visit the dead, and then he would not want money any more.

The following dialogue took place between two friends: "I love to
hear a man ta