soner in solitary confinement? Because he
has too much time on his hands.

When is a doctor like a cross-tempered man? When he is losing his
patients.

Under what circumstances are a builder and a newspaper reporter
equally likely to fail? When they make up stories without
foundations.

Why is a hack-horse a miserable creature? Because his mind is always
on the rack, and his only consolation is woe (whoa!).

Why is a good joke like the modern ballot box? Because it is the
greatest repeater known to history.

Why is a dressmaker braver than an actor? Because she is not afraid
of the hook.

Why is the aspiring poet about to approach an editor with his verses
like a consumptive? Because he's going into a decline.

Why is turkey a fashionable bird? Because he always appears well
dressed.

Why should a candle-maker never be pitied? Because all his works are
wicked, and all his wicked works, when brought to light, are only
made light of.

How would you increase the speed of a very slow boat? Make her fast.

Why is matrimony like an invested city? Because when we are out of it
we wish to be in it, and when we are in it we wish to be out of it.

Why is a person of short stature like an almanac? Because he is often
looked over or over-looked.

Why is a certain kind of coach like the exclusive option on a
certain girl's kisses? Because it's an omnibus.

Why are seasick excursionists like a strong opposition in Congress?
Because they are opposed to the motion.

Why is the aeronaut whose airship plows into the earth like a
successful speculator? Because he has taken a flier in real estate.

Why are airship inventors like musicians? Because they bend all their
energies to the conquest of the air.

Why are the speeches of an orator heard through a phonograph like the
State House dome? Because they are hollow but illuminating.

Why is a discredited politician like an unpopular dentist? Because
each has lost his pull.

Why are seeds when sown like gate-posts? Because they propagate.

Why is fashion like a blank cartridge? Because it's all powder and
puff.

Why is the Fourth of July like oysters? Because we can't enjoy it
without crackers.

Why ought women to be employed in a post-office? Because they know
how to manage the mails (males).

Why do the recriminations of married couples resemble the sound of
waves on the shore? Because they are murmurs of the tied (tide).

What have you now before you which