potatoes in a garden? So that
the onions may have a tear-producing effect upon the eyes of the
potatoes and make them self-irrigating.

Why may not the proprietor of a forest fell his own timber? Because
no one is allowed to cut when it is his own deal.

What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world? The
multiplication table.

Which is the greatest number, six dozen dozen or half a dozen dozen?
Six dozen dozen, of course.

What is that which, the more you take from it, the larger it grows? A
hole.

If a bee could stand on its hind legs, what blessing would it invoke?
A bee-attitude.

Why is a blockhead deserving of promotion? Because he is equal to any
post.

Why is an artist stronger than a horse? Because he can draw Windsor
Castle all by himself, and take it clean away in his pocket if
necessary.

Why is money often moist? Because it is frequently dew in the
morning, and mist at night.

Why are lawyers such uneasy sleepers? Because they lie first on one
side, and then on the other, and remain wide awake all the time.

And what do they do when they die? Lie still.

When is a lawyer like a donkey? When drawing a conveyance.

What proverb must a lawyer _not_ act up to? He must not take the will
for the deed.

Why will scooping out a turnip be a noisy process? Because it makes
it hollow.

When was beef the highest? When the cow jumped over the moon.

What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence.

Why is a straw hat like kissing through the telephone? Because
neither is felt.

Why is your shadow like a false friend? Because it only follows you
in sunshine.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the
scenter.

If a woman asks her blind lover the color of a flower, what would he
say? "I have no i-dea."

When are lawyers circumstances? When they alter cases.

Why is a dog's tail like an expressman? It keeps a-waggin'.

Why are chickens liberal? They give a _peck_ when they take a
_grain_.

What animals are in the clouds? Rain-deer.

Why is a young lawyer in his office like one of his chickens roosting
on his neighbor's fence? He has no business there.

What is the difference between perseverance and obstinacy? One arises
from a strong _will_, the other from a strong _won't_.

In what color should friendship be kept? In violet.

What is the noblest musical instrument? An upright piano. What the
vilest? A lyre.

How do seamstresses resemble ras